Blackest of Blacks

Memories Engraved as Today Slips Into Yesterday...

2009-12-14T01:50:00.002+08:00

Seems like it was just yesterday as i stepped in the unfamiliar hallways of college, breathing in the new surroundings, putting on my 'bitch facade' to mask the strange butterflies in my gut. But now, before you can even say 'fuck' backwards, 3 terms, 1 yr, it passed just like *snap* that. Friends came and went, *so did boys*, Hawaiian night, Orientation night, Prom night, World Chef's Day, Pastry Story!, bla bla bla etc etc... Basically its a whole mixture of losing something but gaining back something else in return. Be it BFF's or BF's, experience, fun & laughter, your virginity or wtv, i dunno. Its college man... Simply put, for me, its been a complete circle of a bigger circle.

Though it hasnt been smooth sailing the whole way, but my college mates and I, we've gone from cock-staring each other and feeling intimidated, to getting acquainted, to being cam-whore buddies... Its a typical case of 'Dont judge a book by its cover' i guess. I believe that each of us, we live in a Masquerade. Its like a daily masked-ball. We each put on a front. This is when chances are given and true colours are given an opportunity to peek out from behind this veil. Its an advantage college gives us. And its where (social) relationships spark and bloom.

After my one wk at Bali and Thailand, it'll be Christmas and New Years and right after, our internships will be starting. Im not one who's good at handling separations. For people like Gi, babe im 5mins away from your place, ill come by (: As for the Boo, we'll work something out on my off-days aight, love? Last but not least, the brother/sisterhood and hustlers, one more stop with Anthony before we part aye? Probably Alexis this time *wink*...

Regardless, whether or not any of us are as close as we were before we leave our comfort zone, memories are still engraved in each of us, even as today slips into yesterday...

Hearts the Bitches
<3 the Shorty Boo
xoxo the Brother/Sisterhood & Hustlers

Im so emo. Fuck :'(

~ Leaving On A Jet Plane - Jewel ~
* Nothing but Black.

The Blind Lovers... Literally

2009-11-30T21:21:00.002+08:00

Gi: I miss going out with you... ):

Me: We just went out that day... -.-

Gi: As in... movies and all that...

Me: Yeah i get what you mean. like going out shopping whole day together and all. not just yum cha.

Gi: Yalor. haha damn sweet right our lesbianic moments. Lol

Me: yeah last time we paktoh thats why so sweet. now married d dont bother.

Gi: married d dont bother wtf. Now stable edi no need to go berdating right. Lol

...and the bf wants me to divorce her -.- sorry baby but no can do! x) *<3 GiGi* spent quite some time with the shorty last wk. went for lunch, movies the usual sappy stuff. made him watch xmas carol again. in 3D. Again. those glasses do get in the way *ahem* ;) officially dislike Library now. old man's joint yet its always full. ended up in Laundry 2days in a row because. GiGi got tipsy thx to '2 fingers' *thinks dirty* and Mojito which Charmaine still cant believe i ate the leaves o.O nearly got into an accident with a fucking Indian *no offence to all my oreos out there* who's wife stuck her middle finger at me while carrying her baby in the car when it wasnt even my fault *cross my heart*. i curse that kelisa's ppl to get down syndrome, retardation, herpes, STD and malaria for 5 damn generations. ugh... The bf wore his safety belt in my car after *ass*... had potluck at Kelly's which i was a total bad influence to his younger sis *sorry Kelvs*. Laundry again after. flashed my bra cuz i wore the wrong one with the wrong top. FML. Seeing the chindian party-without-a-stop-button reminded me of Faiz whom i miss sigh. Missing the shorty already. Finals in a wk. Relatives FINALLY leaving my hse. Yet to bring Kuan out before he goes back to Sydney. and... im fucked with Mandarin Oriental. Good job *pats self on head* crap crap blah blah yaddi daddi dah boom boom... bye.

Joke of the wk:

Satu tolak satu...?
*
*
*
*
* ... satu jatuh! x)

sepet less than 3's shorty (:

~ Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas ~
* Nothing but Black.

Different Names for The Same Things

2009-11-17T22:45:00.001+08:00

"Different shyt same day
Same shyt different day

Different shyt same people
Same shyt different people

Different people same day
Same people different day

Different situation same people
Same situation different people"

how do i sum up my feelings?
what do i do?
the cards they just keep dealing,
emotions add up too.

i try and run but i cant hide,
i cant deny wat i feel inside.

live with it, suck it up,
why's my life so full of fuck?

life goes on, its so unfair,
the injustice i have to bear.

follow my feelings, or let it go,
this facade is getting too damn old.

* Torn - Natalie Imbruglia *
~ Nothing but Black.

TWLOHA

2009-11-13T00:25:00.006+08:00

click here to know more about TWLOHA

~ reach for the marker, not for the blade...
...ive done my part, have you done yours?

* Where Is The Love? - Black Eyed Peas *
~ Nothing but Black.

who i am hates who ive been

2009-10-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

OMG an ant died and resurrected in my Ribena... -.- no shyt.

so i having a glass of ribena at home when founnd a dead (not moving) ant in it. so i use my straw, got it out, put it on the inner top side of my glass and continue drinking (still not moving...) i go on doing my own things occasionally taking sips from my cup (its effing DEAD and stuck hard to my glass i swear) when about 45mins later i glance at my cup and WTF ITS GONE! O.O im 110% sure it didnt fall back down into my glass and me drinking it, neither did another insect crawl in my glass, eat the damn ant and crawl back out, and i HIGHLY DOUBT another ant took its body back to bury... so WTF... no shyt im amazed.

(wtf at the ant not me -.-)

if only humans could die, resurrect and start life anew...

* Sexy Bitch - David Guetta ft Akon *
~ Nothing but Black.

Music and Lyrics

2009-10-17T21:04:00.002+08:00

All you want is Love's Facade

* 无底洞 - 蔡健雅 *
~Nothing but Black.

Is This As Hard As It Gets

2009-10-17T15:04:00.002+08:00

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that i don't hear them talk
Whenever i see you, i'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend i'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

If anyone asks
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yet what do i care
If they believe me or not
Whenever i feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend i'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this all go away?

* Cry - Kelly Clarkson *
~ Nothing but Black.

Ive Got Troubled Thoughts and A Self Esteem To Match

2009-10-12T00:57:00.002+08:00

Young as we may be
We've had reality, truth and life smack us right in the face
Day by day
Lucky are those who get to make a big fuss over an unexpected piece of shyt in your hands
Cause for people like us
We really don't expect less
Its not that we want/embrace it
Its just that its become so familiar
"Same shyt different day" kinda thing
Maybe our negativity or pessimism is the reason behind it
But "good things" or anything without complications for that matter
Never had our names on it
And when something actually does go right
It somehow becomes too good to be true
Hence making it "something wrong"
Sucks to be us?
Hell yeah...
But that's exactly how we grow...
Cause these shyts
They dont kill us
And since they don't its only made us that much stronger.

our time will come (:

* What A Catch Donnie - Fall Out Boy *
~ Nothing but Black.

Easy Peasy Lime... Squeezy?

2009-10-12T00:15:00.005+08:00

I was bored and in need of new songs when this popped up!
-squeezing limes...-

Yes, im tickled by it... -.-
As emo as i may be,
ITS A FREAKING MASKED LIME WITH A CAPE!! omfg... xD
*giggles*

...oh shut up...

* Outta My Head - Ashlee Simpson *
~ Nothing but Black.

The Reason Poets Died Before The Modern Era

2009-10-11T23:54:00.004+08:00

No joke.
Whatever happened to
"Hey, sup?"
o.O
Fine i'll give him credit for effort *pats back*

* She's A Genius - Jet *
~ Nothing but Black.

Lost Pleasure of Past Passion

2009-10-08T00:21:00.006+08:00

Rereading through my last post, i realize i really cant write like i used to in Behind The Facade. My works now are all complete BS and im yet to find a new source of inspiration. Sighs... The end of my writing? *crossing my pens and papers*

*Apparently writing isnt the only thing im losing. My head's gone too. o.O wtf FML*

* Just Lose It - Eminem *
~ Nothing but Black.

Claustrophobia

2009-10-08T00:09:00.002+08:00

Barely able to move forward
I try to take two steps back
With the noose around my neck
Im trapped in these four walls
Those imaginary shackles and chains
Bind me in your gaze
Im held in my position
So close... Too close...

Feeling the room shrink smaller... smaller... smaller

No, I cant breathe
Your lips are needed to give me life
But they're in the warmth of hers
I break myself free from this fucked up bondage i put myself in
Alas, to no avail
Pulling the ties and dragging my weights
I search for a different alternative out of this claustrophobia
Still searching...

* Love is Gone - David Guetta
~ Nothing but Black.

of Aphrodisiacs... and Growing Up.

2009-10-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

Quote:

Better to rescue a good man from his loneliness
than
a bad boy from his misogyny.

* Conspiracy - Paramore *
~ Nothing but Black.

The Jukebox Just Wont Play My Song

2009-10-01T00:21:00.002+08:00

Just when i thought that things were finally different
That i finally got to the greener side of the field
And i could finally have something i actually deserved

Something i wouldnt be afraid i would screw up
Something worth me striving for
Just something i could wake up to

But now
Life goes on as it was before anything began
I put my smile back on
Yes, it just wasnt time yet

Maybe its Karma
Perhaps i was deluded by wishful thinking

Anyhow
It is something im accustomed to
Something that's far from a stranger to me

Yes, life goes on...
Waiting...
For when the jukebox plays my song.

~ Invisible Man - 98 Degrees
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

and The Blair Show goes on...

2009-09-30T00:46:00.002+08:00

silly of me to think that it would be diff
leaving my Chuck for the Duke
only to find him having an affair with the Duchess
way before i came into the picture
guess i was the cover all along

hurt. disappointed. betrayed.
alone.
maybe not
buy me a drink
and the Blair show goes on...

Carter Baizen
come out come out wherever you are...

just say those 3 words, 3 syllables, 8 letters. say it and im yours

~ Secret - The Pierces
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Outta my freaking Raya -mushed bloody mind...

2009-09-26T01:12:00.002+08:00

as lame as how some ppl blog about their every clubbing trip as if its something noone else does, i just HAD to bitch bout this...

Barcelona. the 1st club ive ever gotten piss drunk at. the 1st club S has ever brought me to. used to love the music and the *pathetic* dancefloor... and then you start noticing... KIDS. as in. underage minors. like... people not even passed their PMR... THEN you see uncles... GAWKING at them undeveloped *whatever little* titties. oh gawd... *pass the sick bucket*

I drew a line RIGHT THERE and discovered MOS.

but then being lazy to go to KL and bored of MOS, what'd you do when you're old kaki's ask you to Barcelona? "aah f*** k lar go a while larr..." and so...

voila! 1st, a whiff of *level7 x10* cig-fusion air greets you. next, long haired blondes are spotted amongst the crowd... only to find out that they're chinese boys yg bermata sepet. *NVM TAKES DEEP BREATH choke cough gag* you walk in and oh! sluts in tiny packages! =D littles girls exchanging their ballet tutus for skin-tight, *what?!* chest revealing, microminis and stilettoes *wobble wobble*... whatever happened to tshirt jeans and flip flops?!

then you get the dancefloor... you know im anything but racist. but its still a lil O.O when you see AA's get overenthusiastic when an Akon/Beyonce song spins... and the ultimate worst?! HAVING UNDERAGE HIGH SCHOOL KIDS GRIND YOU *omfgwtfknnccbmchdnsmpksh!?!!* its just Disgusting. especially when you're a girl and the guy's the minor. and yes im still having the creeps.

having have a curfew *dont ask* and being oh-so-responsible-as-a-safe-driver me, aka not being able to drink *so much*, i leave before 2am, speed off, and with ears still muffled, swear to myself never in my sane mind will i ever step in there EVER again. sigh.

ps: feeling like a pedophile... fml

fuck you barcelona

¬ Trouble - Lenka
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Walking past that stranger so familiar...

2009-09-23T02:24:00.002+08:00

It wasnt so long ago...
The same thing we did back then,
and the same thing we're doing now.
How can the exact thing be all too familiar,
yet so distant and cold?

I guess time went backwards this time.

Cuz I went from knowing,
to not knowing you.

~ Everything We Had - The Academy Is
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Watching As Your Sillhouette Fades

2009-09-23T01:24:00.003+08:00

some things are just said too many a time but yet still not quite enough. we hear it so often that we think little of it. told to us by different people, it's as repeated as a broken record... but alas! some things need to be experienced by oneself, in order for one to not know, but FEEL its true meaning...

...ok wtf i sound weird talking so deep... but what im talking about is the whole "*blank blank* till its gone" thing... "you never know what you got till its gone", "you never truly appreciate something till its gone" etc etc. yeah it sounds corny and cliched, probably even overused, but hey, honestly, i daresay majority of us has been in an eff-ed up situation like that. and when reality hits you, it hits you so damn hard, you realize its too late. it always is aint it? well life sucks-balls that way. be a man and suck it in, bitches.

sometimes, we KNOW it. we know when a good thing's leaving or when something's going the wrong way, but being the idiots we are, we know we've pushed it that far, and so we idiotically try to push it THAT much further, only to have pushed it off the cliff entirely. and that when the "Oh F***!"-'s, should really be replaced with "F*** myself".

when "...till its gone" happens, its really never a good thing, and its 11/10 times OUR own fault, our own doing. stupid us and our g-damn big egos? hell yeah... despite, it still hurts. like a chokeslam on concrete, or a punch in the face, a dagger thru your gut, poison thru your veins... well you get my drift. (:

as usual... i really dont know where im getting at but yeah. though its been said time and again, people, dont wait for a wake up call, open your eyes and SEE - not just look, at whats in front of you, take time to ponder upon the little things and the details of everything, your loved ones right there in front of your bloody faces, notice the every tiny thing they do, sacrifice they make, word they say, emotions they feel. in the end, it really does add up, and they all matter. learn to see that. and do something about it.

oh and ps: stop pushing it.

~ Meet Me Halfway - Black Eyed Peas
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Its a Private Show of Plastic Passion

2009-08-31T17:17:00.002+08:00

First and foremost Happy Independence Day to all Malaysians (: Long weekend coming to an end and what have I accomplished thus far? How about... Nothing? Sigh... Still cant find am excuse or explanation for all the fuck ups thats been happening... But nothing im not already used to i guess? Bloody... Mom's been so tight with the whole going out thing ever since the whole *blank*... Guess im the only one to blame? Shyt's still been following me ard ever since Friday *heck... shyt's been in my life since forever...* when i bloody fell outside college while Running Downhill on a Road in Stilettos *social suicide much* and bloody scratched my lappie... FML to the pits of hell man. Went D's on Sat night cuz the mother wouldnt let me out Fri... Helped paint his place with F. Friends + Music + Lekor + Martell = <3 why cant life be and stay that awesome?! Sigh... Coming back to earth, went for Slutty's event at Mardi Gras last night for countdown... Lets just say.. mm... Back To Old School was more hyped up?!! *smug look* Despite the deadness, guess you cant go wrong with Babes, Music, Black Label/Long Island/Beers, and a Dancefloor (: Half of our crowd left after countdown though =/ cant blame them but the rest still had fun nonetheless... College resumes tmr, i have service, no guests, major presentation on wed, Moral assignment to bloody rehearse... Stab me.

Till my life gets more effed up... Cheers.

Ps: Clubbing aint complete until you get a couple of tipsy guys shoo-ed off for dancing on the counter cuz its 'for girls only'. *ahemfaizchokedarrylahem* LOL (:

~ Plastic Passion -The Cure
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

The Last Fire Kept Ablaze Without Burning

2009-08-24T22:03:00.004+08:00

You walked past
I was a sitting duck
Blinded and charmed
You had me round your finger
True colours showed
You turned 180
Is it part of your game?
Or just how you are?
I got tired
I know im worth more
You're keeping it dangling
Im left at a crossroad
Which turn should i make?
The left seems right
But the right's all's left.
Baby, it's the only way
Cause i finally chose myself over you.

~ Come Back To Me - Utada Hikaru
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

The Concluder

2009-08-11T00:19:00.004+08:00

Upon stumbling out from my Moral Studies lecture, i pondered upon one word. Nothing big nothing fancy nothing sophisticated or bombastic. That word, was simply: Time.

Time. Its something ALL of us have, no doubt. 6 billion souls on this earth are given an equal share of 86400 secs/1440 mins/24 hrs a day, 7 days a wk, 30 days a month, 12 mths/365 days a yr. How we use it though, is based on each individual.

Many a time, when given something for free, us being humans tend to take it for granted. Same applies to time. what many have yet to realize though, it that how big a role time plays in our lives, other than just as a countdown for our biological clock, or as an indicator of some sort.

One major role time plays in our lives, is as a conluder. It concludes what we've waited for, it decides our consequence and it unveils everything. In time, questions will be answered, decisions made, truth surfaced.

Think about it. Time. We dont know anything about it. Yet it knows everything about us. Our future. The untold. What life behold for us.

Dare we still take it for granted? Time will tell... (:

*ps: sorry for the lack of updates. brain fluids not flowing right and life's been a bitch shoved up the anus...*

~ I Know You Want Me - Pitbull
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Zomfg She's Finally Legal!! (:

2009-07-08T22:13:00.005+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 18th GiGi my Bitch!! (:

-Enjoy being legal *wink*-

For every obstacle we have and will encountered,
For every trial and tribulation we have and will faced together,
We shall stand and overcome it,
Side by side,
Now and for many more years to come... (:
*
*

Through sunshine and rain,
In good times and bad,
You've always been there for me,
As you know ill be there for you...

Hope you had a great one! (:
Sorry we werent able to spend the day with you~ *at least we cut cake twice =D lol*
All the best in life, Take care & God Bless~

Love you babe (: xoxo

ps: haha i just HAD to make this post colourful... LOL... dont ask im sleepy... *zZz* (:

~ Ill Be There - Jackson 5
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

seems like it was just yesterday

2009-07-06T21:42:00.003+08:00

back at college
i realized
how that stretch of road outside college
brings back so many memories
from the times we went out after my class
to me skipping class for you - something you never knew (:
to you sending me home after college - loved how sweet you were back then (:
then i see
as i get out of the campus
people going home
random people, college mates
walking in twos
holding hands
some who look like they're from diff worlds
yet not afraid of what others say
or think
just
holding hands
walking down that road
getting into their cars
going home
or spending time together
and i stand there
alone
thinking
what went wrong?
it wasn't that long ago
when it was happening to me
and
i just stood there
watching the cars pass my by
entwined hands
fading in the distance
then i turned my head
and walked away...

Not the last rose on the shelves

2009-07-02T00:05:00.001+08:00

how long more do i have to wipe these tears on my own?

~ Call Me When Your Sober - Evanescence
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black

Sneak Peak Into The Unseen

2009-06-30T23:11:00.003+08:00

I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything

I'm in love with you

Yes baby i am (:

~ Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

From The B to the F

2009-06-30T00:10:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me some time ago, “How many boyfriends have you had before?” What was supposed to be an easy question, actually caught me off guard. As I pondered upon it, I thought to myself, what IS the definition of the word ‘boy/girlfriend’? Is it:
A. Someone you’ve loved?
B. Someone you’ve had sex with?
C. Someone you’ve made out with before?
D. Someone you’ve had a ‘thing’ with?
E. Someone you’ve been on a date with?
F. Someone you’ve had feelings for and others assumed you guys were together?
G. Someone you’ve been with for more than a year or so?
H. Someone you’ve officially introduced to your close friends and family?
Or plainly
I. Someone you’ve merely held hands with?

The other question is… When do you start counting? Since…
a. The one you said you’d marry in kindy?
b. The puppy love you had with the boy sitting beside you in primary?
c. The one you shared your first kiss with in upper primary?
d. The one who bought you out on Valentine’s during high school?
Or is it
e. The one you decide to take things seriously with in college?

I guess with different people, you’d get different answers. It’s a pretty personal thing I guess. For some it may vary from a whole lotta flings to maybe a few longer-term-than-usual-flings BF’s. Whereas for others you may find that all their lives they’ve committed themselves into steady relationships throughout. Hence they’re definition of the word varies.

As for myself, I honestly still don’t know which category I fall into. The ‘relationship’ sector of my life’s pretty complicated. Some may even call it messed up. I don’t blame them. But, I am getting old. My sister’s 23 and my mom’s pressuring her to get married. Heck that’s 5 years from now for me to get a steady boyfriend, hopefully date for at least 2yrs, get engaged for another 1, then get married… WTF… Aah~ guess the point here’s to start settling down. At 18, to some, it’s the ideal age to play the field. But I guess for people like me, we’ve been there, done that, got the wounds. Time to put that behind and go for the serious marital type already. A little too soon? Maybe… but… oh fuck me… Why am I freaking over this? Come what may eh? (:

Out.

~ There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey You Just Haven Thought Of It Yet - Panic At The Disco
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Term B.R.E.A.K

2009-06-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

3 weeks of term break… What have a accomplished so far? For one… I think ive used more than rm200… Going out the the tards almost everyday… sigh… Financially consuming but considered a necessity?! KK’s off to college already… Me and KT are starting in a wk’s time. And Gi’s starting on the 20^th… So things… US… There’s no more hanging out everyday for us anymore… ): oh wells… something’s gotta give… so yeah… hence the going out almost everyday… we’ve practically been to all the malls including those in KL… lifeless much… but what to do… we still have our ‘movies at home’ times and BBQ’s as well though… (: cant believe I actually passed on going clubbing cuz the bf didn’t want me to… so unlike me but what to do? Gah~ stayed over at Gi’s one night… watched movie till 6.15am… aah… like old sleepover days… (: one more week of break… honestly, I cant wait to go back to college but not for term 2. Schedule’s a major bitch in the ass… But what else is there to do? OMG… ok lets see… Movies whole day alone again today. Driving and Karaoke at OU tmr. Driving on Wed then save money stay home after. Thurs, MOS?! =D Fri BBQ at Ty’s… Sat take a break… Sun CHEER 09!! *GO CALYX!!* LMAO… aaannddd… its back to college on Monday… hah… Stab me…

Will we be able to get through this?

…We’ll try together aight?

Loves (:

~ My Sacrifice - Creed

* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

The Rubber Collection

2009-06-29T23:31:00.002+08:00

Regular, Feather Light, Extra Safe
Pleasure Max (Ribbed), Strawberry, Chocolate, Banana

Look!
CONDOMS~!! (:

~ Third Planet - Modest Mouse
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

only what a woman deserves

2009-06-25T15:19:00.005+08:00

aah~ went for a manicure with GiGi while waiting for The BF's yesterday... totally spur of the moment... unnecessary wasted of cash (since we're all short of it)... but totally worth it (: haven pampered ourselves since... well lets just say gone were the days where we spent without worrying about the cash flow... sigh... LOL... sad part... i totally ruined my nails BBQ-ing... o.O sigh the things i do for the tards... thankfully i still love them.. (:

xoxo

~Diamonds - Katy Perry
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Comparisons of the past and the present

2009-06-25T15:11:00.003+08:00

Men. How do we begin describing them. Ok face it. We cant. A few days back. I was watching a movie. And it really made me ponder upon the difference between men back in the olden days and men now. Or rather just boys who refuse to grow up. Honestly, as the new era passes, the ‘modern generation’, so do good men. When people say “A fair gentleman is extinct”, no shyt, it was said for a reason.

One of the major changes in men, then and now, is that, men then, they used to have something called ‘pride’. Men NOW, well all they have is something they admit is bigger than their dicks, and we call that ‘ego’. The male pride and ego, depending on how you see it, its actually two words describing one common thing. But in actual fact if you think about it, the two’s common meaning is only to a certain extend cause halfway through, they go in opposite directions (wild guess which is the negative one).

Say 50 years back, men back then, even boys, worked hard throughout their lives, to accomplish whatever goals and reap the fruits of their labour in later years. They come out at young ages, do petty jobs, and with much perseverance and little help, find themselves opportunities and twist their own fates for the better. 50 years later… What do we get? Boys who live off daddy’s hard earned, getting everything planned out by their parents, complaining day in day out. Okay to be fair, ALL kids do that nowadays (yes, even the girls). But really, as guys, shouldn’t there be a little more OWN hard work involved? Everything’s the easy way for them now eh? Men those days worked their arses off. Enslaved themselves. Some our age even go to war. Bring that situation to a modern-day kid, he’d be crying for his mama within 5minutes. It don’t matter where you come from or how’s your family background. Asian or Western. The story’s still the same. Its fact.

Those old times, it was all about pride and glory and honour to those men. Everything they do, was to live up to their forefathers or to bring glory to their family name. They take PRIDE in whatever they do. Its an HONOUR to them and it brings them GLORY. And the things they do, are often noble in their own ways, something they’re proud of, something worth looking up to. What do men nowadays do that deserves someone else’s admiration? They smoke they drink they cheat they lie. You find male chauvinists at every corner. Thinking with their dicks instead of their heads. And belittling women and they go along. Honestly, not exactly respect worthy.

Fine. There WERE horrible men in the past and there ARE still (very few, very rare) decent men now. But everything I say, don’t get me wrong, its just based on a more… *writer’s block* I cant think if the exact word now… its just a comparison between how matured and ‘manly’ the males in the past were and how… asshole-ish guys now can be. Disagree if you will, correct me if im wrong and stop me if you must, but everything said is based from one mere angle and does NOT of course (thank GAWD) apply to all the males out there.

My apologies if anyone was offended while reading this. Not such intention. Just me and my sudden… outburst?!... towards men… No hard feelings. (:

~ What Can I Do - The Corrs

* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

just another saturday

2009-06-14T00:15:00.002+08:00

hah... to think me K.O-ing at 9.30pm last night was gonna get me up early this morn... well freak i woke at 11... ish... LOL... practically stoned the whole blardy day... watched movies alone at home.. pathetic much i know zip it... sheesh... mom was home lar.. but she busy 'zam kai' (chop chicken)... LOL effing stare cock the rest of the day cuz me and gi damn pissed at a certain someone or 2 who damn mm deh mm diu... *did i mentioned i slept another 2hrs? LOL i was THAT sad... uhhuh* ugh... *sucks it in SUCK IT BLARDY G*DAMN EFFING IN~!!* then yea... after much procrastinating... we finally decided to go John's for his bday party.. zomfgwtfbbq... me, gi. kk and yen were effing L.O.S.T~ not so much kk lar cuz he didnt know shyt there... but the 3 of us were like... we knew ppl... yet only a handful... and/but all not close... like wtf... @@ oh well... at least we had our liquor fix for the night... saw cute guys... sorry scratch dat... saw cute GUY... haha... QUITE entertaining lar... at times... but still sesat... effing came home at 11. turned down going to club/shisha/yum cha... mom totally gave me that WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU face... -.- *yeah i get home late i get screwed... i come home early she wtf's me...* LIFE BITCH LIFE.. sigh... well imma like... feeling the alcohol in my veins.. but not enough to get me to space my mind out... AAH stab me...

ps: why i need more alcohol now?
- i really dunno how long more i can suck it in and just be like them...
- my mom literally gave me dat wtf face and said: " wat kinda party is that why you come home so early wan?" T.T good job lar...
- i REALLY need to stop smoking...
- im missing the bf more than he thinks i do~
- im in dire need to let loose... =/

shoutouts: HAPPY BDAY JESS!! *even tho i wasnt...*
HAPPY early SWEET 18th to JOHN!! (:

...and now we await sunday's arrival... f.*.c.k me... aah~

~ Everybody Needs Someone Sometime - Jewel
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

not your priority

2009-06-11T23:12:00.000+08:00

i really need more than this
im holding... cuz i know its give and take
i gave it all up for this one shot to make it work
its probably not how you want it but...
heck... how is it DO you want it?
tell me we'll get past this stage
cuz it really scares the living hell outta me
im trying im trying im trying...
but are you?
lie to me and say you are.

~ Back For Good - Take That
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

you pathetic THING

2009-06-11T00:37:00.003+08:00

The way the whole world goes against you...

Or those who you're supposed to be likeable to anyways...
You
should really consider using
this...
as your display picture... (:

*see... after all.. i still think about your sake... love me bitch... while you can.*

* Dont Trust Me - 3Oh!3
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Hold your damn tongue bitch

2009-06-02T22:07:00.003+08:00

I know you're the one whom im supposed to be 'closer' to, the one im supposed to be able to talk to like how you do with her, or the one im supposed to look up to for advice and life lessons. Though i do get one outta three (not by my own will), but things are different now. You're true colours are showing. I tried, i really tried talking to you. Just when i decide to open up. Let you into my private life. Hoping that you of all people would understand. I broke down in front of you. And what was your response to me? Bull F***ING shyt. You know, i really didnt expect you to understand, but for someone as yourself, what you've been through your whole life, never have i expected you to JUDGE. You judge my life, you judge who i am, you judge the person im living to me. You judge my friends, you judge my decisions, fuck, you even judge my judgements. Honestly, what the fuck is WRONG with you? Am i really such a screw up? Did i really disappoint you that badly? Apparently so. I really dont see any other reason why you'd act that way when i try to talk, jump into conclusions, take me for a liar, or think that everything i do is to deliberately hurt you. The things you do, the things you say to me, might not be 'big' or serious or particularly hurtful, but the fact that those fucked up words can come out of your lips, especially when you say it with that... that LOOK on your face. What am i supposed to think? HOW am i supposed to feel? As an 18 year old. Being spoken to like that... like im some blardy scum who really is just so stupid or 'doesnt bother to use what's in that thick skull'. Seriously. Thanks for the vote of confidence, thanks for the self esteem booster. And you actually wonder how i got my life so fucked up. Really, take it from me. The one who gets all the shyt on her. Learn to either STFU (as you always say, if you have nothing good to say DONT say anything), or just blardy learn to communicate without being a complete bitch. Being called a bitch by someone like me, yeah, not something you should be proud of. Fucking either brush up on your communication skills like im trying to (i effing happen to realize its a 2 way thing so im damn well trying), or to hell just MYOB. You're really the last person i need stressing up my life. Not MY fault you stopped working and got all fucked up being cooped in four walls everyday. So just PLEASE, get a life, or get the HELL outta mine... Out.

~ Hope It Gives You Hell - All American Rejects
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Caught in it again...

2009-05-30T23:52:00.002+08:00

praying its a start of something and not just because i can...

~ Jai Ho - Pussycat Dolls
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

blogging in class...

2009-05-28T15:11:00.003+08:00

College college college... its killing me. mid terms lately have been a bitch. stressed me out like fuck cuz its like assignments assessments presentations every alternate day... the stupid thing? mid terms are just ending.. and finals are in 2wks... wtf right? dont make sense? nothing in college does... havent been having regular meals and im pms-ing... college literally makes me lose my sense of direction in life wei... freakoid... i KEEP ON spacing when it comes to important stuff and i end up karaoke-ing in class instead of studying... good job lar esther... gah...

plus side is... despite me having classes and college shyt every other damn day of the week... i still see the tards everyday... like REALLY... without fail... @@ its awesome though it really increases my freak points and burns my already burnt wallet... sigh... the shyt i do for those freaks...

sigh... im moody... i screwed my Rooms xammie... i miss him... im in class and my effing LAN teacher's one blardy hour late... and i effing just wanna go back to pj, get my phone and GO HOME!! gah stab me... thank gawd for my freaks and loser goons in class to keep me entertained... fuck... and wats that? i gotta stay back till 6 for exam briefing? yeah no shyt... fuck me. ooh... look... the cibai finally came... class time...

out.

*ps: MY 100TH POST!! haha... took me long enough but fuck you lar let me have my moment.. (: *

~ Dont Look Back In Anger - Oasis
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Second Skin Update! (:

2009-05-23T23:23:00.003+08:00

-Second Skin-
~*UPDATED!!*~
CHECK. IT. OUT!
NOW TAKING PRE-ORDERS!!
zomfg!!
DRESSES BELOW RM35, TOPS BELOW RM30, SHOES BELOW RM45!!!!

~ Cant Get You Outta My Head - Kylie Minogue
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

(:

2009-05-23T23:16:00.002+08:00

Thanks for reminding me how to smile...

~ Tango - Shakira
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

not quite THAT dead...

2009-05-11T23:05:00.004+08:00

yay! after so so long...
ive finally managed to update
Behind The Facade
(:
not one of my best, but one of my favourites! <3

~Dream - The Cranberries

* My Life. My World. Shades if Black.

MOS-ing 300409

2009-05-01T13:28:00.013+08:00

Abigail, Adele, Gillian, Esther, Grace, Cathy

Unlikely bunch. and its really hard to get us all out at the same time. but this was more a... we're all here with our own friends but we met up just to take a photo for old times sake... (:

So... Gi and I went to Pyramid to meet up with some people before clubbing. Stupid Barcelona had some shytass event therefore there was no ladies night aka NO FREE BACARDI!! *effers* and me and Di totally ffk-ed Jen at Helo Bali cuz well... MOS cooler lor... XD so yeah... walk walk walked to MOS and the queue was FREAKING LONG as in all the way till far far back outside! talk about crazy clubbers... just when we wasted our lives lives lining up for i dunno how long... genius us got the receipt from Nicholas to bring 3 *underaged* people in and the rest of us *legal* people went in with our IC's *with the exception of Cathy who used Grace's IC... lol... naughty girl* and so ya... we were all just sesating in MOS 1st cuz we had no liquor no nothing... and most of us 1st time there... we were like some jakuns... damn amazed... HAHA... AND THEN... we started meeting unlikely people... like the ex CHS/PuayChai crowd *KJ, Brian Loh, Brian Cheah, Chye, Sarah, Wei Wei, Cheryl, Victor, Elle, Corey and his cousins, Etain, Samantha, Sean (who's not a CHSian, met him somehow on MSN but the world is so small), AND DID I MENTION CHEE LI KEE?!! like wtf no offence but WOW... ppl like her CLUB?! what's wrong with the world mama? finally got tired of their books eh?!* anyways... started of with some drinks courtesy of KJ... then Corey's cousin (im so sorry but i cant rmb his name, Kenny or something...) bought me a... cranberry vodka (: then things started getting wild... XD practically the whole night was... drink drink dance drink dance dance drink drink curse act stupid drink dance... LOL i love my awesome bartender, Rueben for keeping me entertained with free drinks the whole night... (: aah the power of a little flirting and a smile... haha... and and and... ugh... i freaking made out with some guy... but i dont rmb who or wats his name anymore... all i know is... i prolly wouldnt have done it if the lights were on... belch... stab me... all in all, the plus side was... letting loose, dancing with random guys, free drinks, making out with... oh gawd scratch that... I WAS DRUNK... effer... *ps Gi got chyed too! xD* aah... got home safely at 4ish when i told my mom i'd be back at 2ish *THANKS CROSS! (:* *NO MOM, THERE WAS A FIGHT OUTSIDE AND THE BOUNCERS WERE HANDLING IT THEY TOTALLY DIDNT LET US OUT!!* lol... im an expert bullshitter... (: aah... and so now, my legs are cramping, my head's still heavy and i keep giggling to myself... o.O

aah... till my next MOS experience... (:
ps: i FREAKING lost one of my hoop earring and my favourite bracelet... dammit... ~.~

*More MOS 300409 Pics! (:*

*disclaimer: so sorry if i insulted anyone (as Gi says i have)... ill pretend i didnt mean it aight? (: cool... *

~ I Love Rock And Roll - Britney Spears
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

The Gallery

2009-04-26T19:24:00.011+08:00

I really thought i knew how to say this... how to just fucking get outta my system... but i cant. As the saying goes "a picture paints a thousand words"... I dont think a thousand words would cut it. so here's my story of the past 18mths.

____________________________________________________________________

before i met you, my life was black and white. i threw my patched heart some place i'd never go to retrieve.

day by day, i felt myself falling and falling from the world. life was but a nightmare of death.

it happened so sudden, but you came. brought me to my feet. filled my life with hope.

we were oddly in love. so mismatched yet so true. best of all, i knew i loved you too when you said you loved me.

things got bad. we had our problems. personal matters forced us apart. nothing was willing to go right in our favour.
it didnt take too long. and you left.
things from then on was just blurred. my future was clouded. i just couldnt see ahead.
i cried my days to nights, my nights to days. though permanently tear streaked, yet i couldnt stop them from falling.
my life was upside down. i didnt konw day from night. i just laid there watching time past. ticking... without you.

it felt like all my dreams had been shattered when my heart had been broken. no dream was a dream if it were a dream without you.

messed up as i was, i just fucked my life as it is. bad enough as it was, i made the worst of it.

i got from emo, to fucked up. next, i just got numb. i stared and spaced. i didnt think.

my numbness turned to my heartache into physical pain. scissors blade or tin. i had them all.

you made my life a living hell. but i fucked up more to get your attention.

when i picked myself back off the ground. i told myself. ill be well for when you come back into my arms.

took me some time, to come to my senses. i was myself again. the the self you knew. strong. confident. back on my feet.the disappointment from you, made my feelings for you fade and fade and fade... wilthering. fading...

at that time. it was you. huh... fuck you. (:

i moved on with my life. as you had yours. *clearly you had*

i thought i was fine with it. until i saw you with her. i feeling that i feel inside. just makes me feel how come she got the better deal?

i just feel so lost again. what couldve...?

i know i dont want you. but doesnt mean i lost all my love for you.

~ Thinking of You - Katy Perry
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Second Skin

2009-04-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

www.secondskinclothes.blogspot.com

Second Skin has Officially Started! (:
Link us and Happy Shopping!

~ Homecoming - Hey Monday
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

day 3 and one step closer

2009-04-09T21:55:00.002+08:00

i freaking DREAD waking up at 7.45am every morn... sigh... blardy orientation... went there. stupid Sarah ffk me. slept in instead. couldnt find carol. so i sesat for 2 hrs... ALONE. for the blardy grooming session. then THANK GAWD brian was free... went pyramid for Zanmai with him. FREAKING SHYT WE SOMEHOW LOST OUR WAY. ended up at ss9 *where the fuck is that even?!*. thank-the-fucking-shyt-fully... that bugger had a GPS. blardy GARMIN NUVI
SAVED US WEI... damn fucking cool wei dat gadget. we damn jakun but damn awesome. met ken and keat. and when we left we FUCKING had NO recollection where the FUCK we parked the car. cibai looked around... no scratch that. we freaking RAN ard the WHOLE BLARDY pyramid looking for our exit to the car. when we did. we found out we walked past it. 5x. clever sial. got to team building late. kena punishment. did jumping jacks. *WTF I KNOW.* then played games and stuff... damn funny... some lame but fun nonetheless... cuz my group damn awesome. met new ppl as well... (: so evreything ended... left. blardy isaac wanna pool. so sleepy me. and sleepy Fran. teman IZ and Jia Cheng to level 7. juz so we can have transport back. lol. fran and i exchanged campus bitch stories... (: damn awesome... haha... FINALLY GOT HOME AT 6.30... !?%$
sigh... no more orientation. class tmr. official 1st class. only be seeing J1 and Carol on Thurs. ): i think... haha... we gotta match schedules again la... i baru found out how to freaking DECODE it... oOo anyways... SLEEP TIME! its 8am F&B at Santa Ines tmr... (: loves.

~ Sugar - The Archies
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

0904JH87843 (:

2009-04-08T23:00:00.003+08:00

WHOLLY SHYT GUESS WHO'S IN COLLEGE?!! haha... wtf me lar who else... XD orientation since yday... thought it'd be bad... surprisingly not so when you get stuck with ppl like Rah, J1, Kel and Sean, where getting stuck in a damn parking lot trying to get out can be stupidly entertaining... XD its awesome how besides sarah, the guys i all just met on day1 but we all still manage to click so fast... (: aah and today we self declared early break... went AC. met FREAKING a lotta ppl... cra-zeee... timetables are in... AWESOME WEDNESDAYS NO CLASS... but freaking fri till 6pm... -.- sigh... i guess that's college for you eh? damn... 11pm... and im FUCKING sleepy... WTF... *blames it on the fever* oh well... shall update more when im less sleepy...

ps: we brought Caroline from Penang to have her 1st Bak Kut Teh meal... (: aah... yao char kuais... XD
pps: we freaking actually werent late today~! XD

~ Back For Good - Take That
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Special Dedication... =)

2009-03-26T20:52:00.004+08:00

SARAH LIM ERN YING
HAPPY SWEET 18TH TO MY BIGGEST BITCH!!
*finally~* XD

the babe who's been with me thru thick and thin
thru bitch fights and tears
the girl who's got exactly the same piercings as me (altho her ear got one hole 'spoil' d)
did i mention has a tattoo the exact same spot as me
haha...
all in all...
LOVE YOU BABE~~!! <3>
always have... always will...
have a good one! mwah =x

*aah... college... inseperable again eh?! =D*

~ Hallelujah - Paramore
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Part of Life

2009-03-24T12:56:00.002+08:00

I was just thinking of somethings.
Like how we always want things we cannot have.
Or how things always happen at the wrong time.
Or like how what we want always happens to be what was never meant to be.
Its so pathetic how the human life is.
Some things in life.
We fight so hard for.
Even knowing its a losing battle.
But we've got that thread of determination.
And we believe in such a small fraction of hope.
That we can change something that was never meant to be changed.
-A fact, a course, a path in life-
And some things.
Find their way into our lives.
But we take them for granted.

At some point.
Regardless.
We're all in search of our own happily ever afters.
But as we go on through life.
It just seems as if we weren't thought of when fairy tales were written.
Nobody included us in.
And that's when we realize.
We're too old for this bullsh*t.
Fairy tales DON'T happen in reality.
Its just another way poeple sugar coat things.
It's sad, really.
But in fact.
That's exactly when our story begins.
Cause from what i know.
Great things always come our way when we least expect it.
When we stop looking.
When we bring ourselves outta the corner.
Carry ourselves up again.
There's so much more in life awaiting us to unfold.
Every time one chapter of your life closes.
What better excuse to start a new one but this?
Prove to everyone.
Pick up the pieces, smile.
Go on with life.
Everything happens for a reason.
The good and the bad.
Just believe it to be for the better of your life.

~ Let The Flames Begin - Paramore
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Something i just thought of...

2009-03-24T00:24:00.003+08:00

Life.
Everyone's got skeletons in their closets.
Nobody's perfect.
Sometimes we have to make stupid mistakes,
in order to realized it is what it is.
A mistake.
Regret it,
but move on.
It's not like you can do anything about it.
Or erase it.

~ Secret - The Pierces
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Calyx.. we brought it! oh yeaaaahh... <3

2009-03-23T22:22:00.005+08:00

AND THE C3 09 CHAMPIONS FOR ALL GIRLS STUNT DIVISION
*AND*
1ST RUNNER UP FOR INTERNATIONAL ALL GIRLS STUNT DIVISION GOES TO...
*DRUM ROLL*
CALYX ALL GIRLS!!
<3 <3 <3

The girls who made us proud... =)

Shalinee, Brenda, Jacelyn, Sharon, Amelia

Winning routine... =)

love you babes...
you guys totally brought it to the floor...
rocked it... OWNED it!
proud of you girls...=D
*CALYX is rising from the ashes!!*

I'd give anything to cheer again... =(

~ Great DJ - The Ting Tings
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

BF's, then and now.

2009-03-19T15:59:00.003+08:00

Was just reminiscing a couple of days back. on my old primary and secondary skl bf's... how naive we were back then and the stupid things we used to do with our 'partners'...

Back in primary i remember how i used to share seats with my 'bf' until the teachers got used to us changing seats just to sit together. and how we used to dare our frens to kiss their partners' cheek or something... day-um... i got my fair share of that myself and yeah. i was known for being the one who kissed Wesley on the stairs... cutest guy in our standard but till today i still swear it was an accident! =P

Secondary school... early days of it at least... you would get guys sending you anonymous candies and notes. guys waiting for you at the foyer to have recess with you or just to walk outta skl with you... man! how easily we girls fell for those shyt. haha... then occasionally, you'll catch couples pinky holding or plainly just holding hands either openly outside skl or under tables IN skl... thinking back its like WTF?! but yeah... most of us had that experience before. and then when we got to senior high, the few of us got bored with recycling bf's, hence we moved on to guys who were NOT from our skl. some lucky ones managed to snag a college boy or 2. others were happy with practically anyone who just WASNT from our skl... lol...

now, we're all outta high school... everything seems so diff... maybe its just me. but i honestly dont believe in settling down anymore. its like. dude cmon! we're 18! that's practically THE age for playing the field baby! why stick to one when you can get your hands on more? call it being a player or just having some fun. just remember the one rule, dont hurt anybody. keep that rule sacred and everybody wins... we've got our whole lives after marriage to commit ourselves to someone ainnit? and face it... how would we find THE ONE if we're committed to Mr-wrong-at-that-point-of-time? we'll only find out who we're most compatible with, by actually dating diff types of ppl? please DO stop and correct me if im wrong. but until someone does... aah... its party baby! XD *winks*

~ Figures A and B - Hellogoodbye
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Keeping my promise

2009-03-12T23:45:00.003+08:00

I really thought i could hold it in.
I really thought i was finally strong enough.
and then came today.
the disappointment in myself.
the frustration i feel.
and then you weren't there.
and i thought of him again.
i tried.
i really did.
its the last time im gonna break down.
because of him.
no, because its plainly a bad day.
i really need you to understand me, please.
it'll all be better tmr...
i promise.

~ Barely Breathing - Duncan Sheik
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

for all you out there

2009-03-12T23:32:00.003+08:00

stop moving (on) so fast, please.
you're leaving me behind...

~ You Found Me - The Fray
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Joke of a day

2009-03-12T23:09:00.002+08:00

Hah... SPM results.. none of us really seems satisfied. we all did our best and yet we all got fucked up results. people like us. we just get pissed off with ourselves. scream it all out. and go on with life. it doesnt mean we're happy with what we got. it doesnt mean we dont give a fuck about our studies. we just. CHOOSE not to mope about it. so those fucktard who got like 7, 8, 9, 10 A's and are like "OMG im so gonna jump off the builing/bang the wall/*fill in your prefered method of suicide*!! i cant believe i didnt get straight A's!!* or those CCB's who complain how their A2's should be A1's... look... FUCK YOU... FUCK THE WALL... get a FUCKING LIFE. on a diff note though, this year. the truly depressed got it worse, and even the happy and contented-with-their-results ones... din have it as great... somehow. someWAY... results... just killed us all... it killed our moods. it strained ties between friends. it just fucks everything up. why? competitiveness? jealousy? probably. but i doubt it. to me. its just another one of the fucked up things that life comes with... and wat do we do? hah... embrace it. but for now. i dunno bout anyone else out there. join me if you will. but im just gonna FUCK THIS WHOLE DAMN JOKE of a day... oOo

~ Mr. Brightside - The Killers
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

zoh.em.freaking.gee.double-u.tee.EFF?!!

2009-03-11T16:30:00.002+08:00

ZOMFG WTF!!!
I FREAKING RAN OUTTA EYELINER WEI...
WTFWTFWTF...
ITS A FREAKING
CATASTROPHE!!
oOo oOo oOo oOo oOo
i think im gonna go cry now...
and then maybe buy a paper bag after dinner...
*sigh*

...fyi ive never ran outta eyeliner before. EVER!!... sob sob
*jumps off building*

*sigh sob sniffles*

~ Catastrophe - Rainer Maria

* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Awesome women of the past...

2009-03-11T15:51:00.008+08:00

Twiggy

Princess Diana

Audrey Hepburn

Marilyn Monroe

*
*
*
Classic, successful, gorgeous. Nuff said.

~ Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

<3

2009-03-08T17:34:00.002+08:00

Ive ditched the black nails and blue hair...
but can anyone deny?
Gothicism
is SO HAWT...
<3

~ America's Suiteheart - Fall Out Boy
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

XOXO

2009-03-07T00:29:00.002+08:00

is it just me...
or does Serena look like
a blowup Britney Spears doll
or
the one of the Wayan's brothers from White Chicks?!
lmao
* chuck bass <3 *

~ If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

growing up

2009-03-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

you know how i always mention about people changing. things changing. people leaving and people growing up. sometimes. without realizing. it happens to ourselves.

just a couple of weeks ago... i went from being ecstatic to being in depression in just a matter of days. i was like-hell messed up. i wanted to screw my life. i wanna to get hit by a car. i wanted to just hate everyone like how i hated my life. it made the people around me worry and stuff. i guess i was just childish and immature then.

to think that. i got from being emogothic. to being sadistic. its just pathetic. and all cuz i was in love. yeah. isnt love supposed to make you feel happy and shyt? i thought that too. it does. but when it started hurting. like how mine did. i knew it was time to let it go. but again. being the young me. i didnt want to.

i fought and i fought and i fought. and i gave myself excuses and lie after lie to justify HIS doings. gave myself a reason to live. gave myself false security. i went from being depressed and crying night after night after night. to being a zombie. with a fake front on. i was hollow. i gave a new meaning to the term to feel empty. i lied to myself that i was happy. i smiled day by day. convinced my own head that i was ok with everything.

it worked. but like life is. sooner or later. the truth just smacks itself in your face.

when i found out HE'd moved on. i was beyond devastated. but i guess because of all the past disappointment i'd felt from him. the numbness and the emptiness. all i'd managed to say was Wow... i was dumbfounded but surprisingly. not a drop of tear did i shed that night. it was then. when i noticed. yeah. it hurt that i wasnt the one he would be thinking of anymore. but. somehow. it just. really cleared things up.

now, i smile while talking to his new gf. knowing that she's take over where i left off and do a much greater job than i'd have. i've ditched my blue hair. im happy with who i have now. ive got a job. im eagerly awaiting my results. i go out every single day. XD basically. i got my life back on track.

im really proud of myself and how much ive grown. really. no more crying to sleep or emo-ing at work. no more heartaches. just. me, myself and me spending time with my loved ones. the feeling is way better this way. thinking back. i WAS pretty stupid and naive. some of you may tell me 'i told you so'. but hey. gimme a break. i had to learn it myself. and im glad i did. =] i smile at myself thinking how well i managed to get thru this.

as i always push to tell myself. i will be stronger. for me. for once. and i was. cuz wat i went thru, didnt kill me. it only made me stronger. =]

ps: for those who know wat i went thru thruout this whole yr, thanks for being by my side. im sorry if i caused anyone any worry or pain. just know that i got thru it. thanks to you guys picking me back up time and again. love you guys... <3

~ Pump Up The Volume - Marrs
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Quote

2009-03-06T20:22:00.003+08:00

quote from the most unlikely person... but yea... recently ive come to believe it... and that's why im gonna be happy again... =)

~I Wont Spend Another Night Alone - The Ataris
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

march march march sigh...

2009-03-06T17:42:00.003+08:00

March 1: watched benjamin button with mom. bought 1 shorts $$. 2 bras $$. 2 heels $$.

March 2: skipped work. went out with saw yee ken. watched love matters. he paid for most so not so bad =) <3 went pasar malam after... bought ZOMFG pillow biscuit $$!

March 3: went to work ALONE cuz gi 'sick'. took halfday off. watched street fighter with gi and suen $$.

March 4: went early morn dim sum with gi and BJ boys $$. went genting. had FREAKING EXPENSIVE mcd's $$. but we found 50bucks on the floor. belanja-ed ourselves starbucks... dunno why also cuz we hadnt even touched our mcd's regular sets.

March 5: went barcelona. oOo $$$$$$$ had bcardi down my shirt and down my leg... x.x

wat other expenses... sigh... lunch at work costs a bomb. my reload times a week has increased again. gotta pay for my drivin lessons. settle my 2nd half payment for my 7tops which i bought online. and buy another 3.
sigh so much output... no income. damn pay haven get yet... mom owes me 1k.. waiting for my results. hopefully ill get another 1.5k there at least... sigh sigh sigh

its depressing when you go to the atm. and 2weeks ago you had 1k. now you're left with 200bucks... sigh...

ps: gi... i dowanna see you anymore... ive been seeing you every damn day... haha... <3

~ Time Is Running Out - Muse
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Shakespear parody (hah...)

2009-02-16T21:57:00.002+08:00

was just randomly thinking of stuff... and my mind wandered to Romeo and Juliet... and i realized... haha... there i am... the Juliet... willing to do anything to be with my Romeo... and my Romeo, upon seeing me 'dead'... just walks away and moves on... cuz oh well sigh... she's dead lol... its so pathetic it makes me laugh... HAR.HAR.HAR oOo

~ Be The One - The Ting Tings
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

New Zealand

2009-02-11T18:10:00.005+08:00

i know my NZ trip was like... effing long ago... but ya... stupid facebook wouldnt upload my damn pics... not even 60 to make an album... and to think ive got ove a 1k of photos... ugh... anyways... here's some from my sister's camera... its not really in order... so juz... dont mind it...

*pardon the fatness* Darren, Laine, Me, Mom

at Otago Campus...

mom made me wear the hat cuz she says i may never get to wear it == *thx for the vote of confidence ma!*

Otago U at the background...

Hastings... Hot air balloon ride!! =D

Rotorua... *smelly smelly sulphur... P.U!!*

after HYDRO zorbing!! XD

Cathedreal Cove *dont mind my fatness in comparison to my sister's flatness*

haha... being fat has its benefits... XD

Cuba Squares famous water thingy

cylinder shaped tree/plant at Welly's botanical garden

~Baby When The Lights - David Guetta
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Zomfg its a T.A.G!!!

2009-02-11T17:00:00.007+08:00

man... its been ages since ive done a tag... maybe it was cuz i was so lazy i juz didnt bother with them anymore.... BUUUT... since it was my dear Sharon who tagged me... and seeing im so damn bored now... not to mention my blog's so damn dead... here goes...

Directions: O nce you've been tagged you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 5 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave a comment (You're tagged!) and to read your blog, you can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me, let me know when you've posted your tag, so i can read about your weirdness.

1. I get fascinated with cobwebs... i think they're just so pretty... =D
2. I'm addicted to online shopping... even tho ive bought some stuff and regretted... i still do it...
3. I've only said "I Love You" to one guy in my whole life... and i meant it...
4. My phone is my life. Literally. Its got stuff from birthdays, important msgs, quotes i live by, meeting dates, things to do, numbers, GAMES!! and of course... my music... (take my phone and watch me rip you apart...)
5. I write poems a lot... and weirdly, i only get inspired by guys...
6. I used to really dislike cheerleaders.. and err... yeah.. i ended up becoming one... and now i MISS being one... =(
7. I BROKE THE WEIGHTS THINGYMAJIGGY AT MY GYM!!! zomfg... SHH~
8. I think my email add is really stupid... it was like... a "im 11 and i do stupid things" thing... o.O
9. I would totally skydive but not bungee jump... i think its juz stupid... you could actually DIE from it...
10. I think my house is pretty! =] but i would really like to repaint my room though.. =/
11. I've done so many illegal things... but none of which includes driving illegally! =D (so good girl... =D)
12. My eyes are so damn retarded cause they're so damn sepet... ==
13. I.HATE.BUTTERFLIES.
14. I feel naked if my finger or toe nails arent painted... o.O
15. I envy people who can wear clothes that i like but cant pull off... or people who are photogenic... =(
16. err... I MADE A YELLOWMAN DO A TOE-TOUCH(not cheerleading type) BACK FOLD!! =D (refer to bottom pic =D)

I TAG GI, TY, CATH, BRY and SAR!! (...who is at NS but wth la... im so pathetic)

~ Sweet Things - DJ Tiesto
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Jokers...

2009-02-06T20:31:00.003+08:00

Date: 5th Feb
Place: Funeral Parlour
Ppl involved: Krystle, Charissa, Myself...

*Krys takes GUAVA. bites...*
K: its very sweet! want?
C & E: no thx...
K: eh wat izzit ah?
C: *swt* Guava la!!
E: *swt* if not? pear ah?
K: eh ya!! it tastes like it!
C & E: *o.O* its GUAVA krystal...
K: REALLY?!! oh!
C & E: ... BAHAHAHAHAHAHA~

Date: 6th Feb
Place: MSN convo
Ppl involved: KJ and Myself

E: eh come FB Poker!!
KJ: what's that? i dont play fb games wan la... i only play superpoke...
E: its poker la... texas hold em...
KJ: huh? SUPERPOKE LA!!
E: WTF?! its POKER! not SUPERPOKE!
KJ: you mean the cards cards poker?
E: YES THE CARDS CARDS POKER...
KJ: oh i think i know d... =)
E: oOo...

some people... lol... Krystle did something as well... but i really dunno how to explain... i think Jade and Seng Loh will get what im saying... haha...

Out!

~ Because I Do - The Pearl And The Puppets
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

-

2009-02-06T16:22:00.004+08:00

Barely two months have passed in this new year and already so much has happened... Bryan's left (again), so has Ben Tay and Eugene and he-who-must-not-be-named... Chances are... They'll be back... though im not sure i can say the same for a few others...

Just within a less-than-30day span... ive known of 4deaths that has unfortunately happened. Bryan's uncle, Zhi Xuan's dad, Yee Sook and the most recent of all, Markus. I didnt attend the 1st twos funeral as i wasnt exactly that close to them. but it sucks that during CNY, a time when all's supposed to be well. an occasion that symbolizes a new beginning... i had to attend Yee Sook's funeral (we all expected it juz not that soon but i guess he doesnt have to suffer anymore) and exactly a week later ive had to attend Markus's wake. it really makes me ponder about how fragile life is. These 2 ppl whom ive known personally. were both so young and talented in their own ways. Both a son, a brother, and a friend to so many.

Attending their funerals, its come to make me wonder, what would it be like if it were MY own funeral (im morbid that way. shux) ? Who would come? who would i have impacted? will i want my loved ones to grief or be happy that im someplace else safer? would everything, from the ceremony, to the ppl who come, to every other detail. be as i expected? How would i even DIE?

Also, attending funerals has made me think back on this particular episode of One Tree Hill where whats-his-name Jimmy or something kills himself. and there was this part where this girl from Brooke's class told her mom that she thought of Brooke as her friend when Brooke has barely spoke to her in her entire life? It made Brooke ponder upon the not-so-popular average Joe's and plain Jane's that you never really bother talking to, getting to know. All i can say is. People surprise us in ways we dont expect. How we see them may not be how they see us. Vice versa. But it never hurt anyone to juz smile at that outcast at skl. or be nice to that anti-social emo kid in class.

Life's short. It's fragile. It's unexpected. When you live when you die. No one can be certain. The only thing you CAN be certain about is HOW you live your life. (not that im cursing but) you never know when you're turn is. anyone of us could be next. and death doesnt have to happen for a reason. it juz comes. The only question now is, are you gonna be one who takes this as a load of crap? that when you're time is up its up? no regrets? or are you gonna ponder upon it, like i did, rethink your way of life, and start doing small things, to change your life, and the lives around you. so that when the day another life of a dear friend is lost. There's no guilt and regret and thoughts of " if only's" and " im a little too late"... Choice is yours... so is your life.

Lastly to Yee Sook and Markus, ive never really got to know you guys on a more personal note but more or less, one way or another, you guys have left your marks in me. Rest In Peace dear friends... =]

~ In Loving Memory - Alter Bridge
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

-ness

2009-01-31T00:32:00.002+08:00

Tired-ness

Loneli-ness

Empti-ness

Hopeless-ness

Sad-ness

Broken-ness

Stupid-ness

Heartless-ness

Thoughtless-ness

Eager-ness

Lost-ness...

-it's just how i feel-

~ Angels On The Moon - Thriving Ivory
* My Life. My World. Shades Of Black.

To Myself

2009-01-24T17:14:00.003+08:00

Stumbling along
Looking at nothing
Cos your eyes
Always on your feet
If u ever looked up
You'd see the sun
In the morning
Wonder why things are so bleak

Boring and old
Are the things your told
About the outside world
Just wearing black wont take care of that
Dont be stupid girl

Walking
Always talking
Never listening
You just kick back
How do you handle
All the bullshit
That gets thrown your way

Oh
Down on your knees
Trying to appease
Somebody's mixed up statement
Cos in not much time
Your beliefs that are lies will be left by the pavement

I've been doing some thinking
About all your preaching and I dont wanna know
Cos thats just conforming
And that is not
What you wanna be

Dont be so stupid girl
You really are
Just dressed in black wont take care of that
Dont be
Be so stupid girl

~ Mascara - Killing Heidi
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

My Prayer

2009-01-23T16:51:00.004+08:00

Heavenly Father,
You know the tough times im having now,
You know the things that ive had to go through,
help me through it O Lord,
help refrain me from doing things i will regret and guide me to do what's right.
Take the pain that's in me Lord and fill me with You're unfailing love.
Help me have faith in You and Your plans that you have for me, O Lord,
grant me peace, wisdom and patience,
so that i may be able to move on with life and see the bigger picture in it.
Lord Jesus,
I just wanna surrender it all now,
everything,
i put unto Your hands O Lord,
including him.
As he is away now, Lord,
i pray that You're Heavenly Angels will keep watch over him,
and guide him day by day through his new life,
keep him protected,
and be there for him Lord.
And for the rest of us Dear Father,
we pray that You'll help us through our times of heartache and broken-ness,
lift us all back up unto our feets,
guide us through each and every one of our problems,
keep us strong and give us courage to face them O Lord,
so that we may move on with our lives.
Thank You Lord,
for all You have provided,
and for all that's yet to come.
All these i pray,
in the most precious name of Lord Jesus Christ,
Amen.

~ Unto You
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Messed up...

2009-01-21T21:05:00.002+08:00

I'm Esther...

i love eating;
but now i puke every time i try to...

i love lying on my bed, rolling around till i fall asleep;
but now i can barely close my eyes for an hour each night...

i self medicate when i get sick to lessen the suffering;
but now i just let my gastric and fever be...

i hate zombies and horror stuffs;
but now i play Left For Dead...

i love being loud, talking a lot and letting loose;
but now i sit at alone at home, plastering on a smile...

i got flooded with emotions and colours around me;
but now i'm just dull, empty and numb...

I'm Esther...
and im this messed up now, because of you.

~ Use Somebody - Kings Of Leon
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Words that get me by...

2009-01-20T11:29:00.002+08:00

recently... like just in these past few days... so so much has happened and im like in a daze now... im so numb... i got from being in depression to not eating and sleeping and shyt like that... and then i started talking to a primary skl mate of mine, Keefe... we're werent particularly close anymore but we kinda were in the same boat so we try helping wach other get thru it? yeah...

all these while... few yrs back... most of you prolly knew i was crazy over N.. it hurt so so bad... i felt like ending the hurt. permanently... and then a fren came up to me and told me something which really got me back on my feet and back on with life. its nothing fancy... all he said to me was. remember...

"God will never put unto you anything He thinks you cannot handle"

that phrase... i totally live by it now... cuz it juz pushes me to be stronger. also i'd like to think that He's just yet to reveal the bigger, better picture to me? =] and then sumtin else that Keefe said which i think goes along quite well with it...

" Everytime you lose so much, that's exactly how much you have to gain back"

nothing too fancy.. but its powerful enough to get you going on with life... =]

~ I Dont Want To Get Over You - Magnetic Fields
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

My 18th

2009-01-18T20:41:00.005+08:00

Celebrated my 18th last friday... went out with Gi only cuz i thought everyone else was busy with college so i thought heck la... pathetic much but at least i still had SOMEONE... so yea. we went to pyramid. skated... used 28bucks and finished the whole Time Crisis 2 game... watched yes man together... pretty lesbianic but it was ok la... was pretty bummed... and THEN i got home and everyone was there!! haha... surprise party courtesy of GiGi... =D i cried within 10secs... lol... so everyone was at my place... mom slaved herself in the kitchen to cook for bout 20 of us... loves to her... some went back after... most of us went Jaya One to yum cha... then yea. The end... haha... despite a lotta ppl emo-ing... for sum coincidental reason... but i think we all had fun? i guess i did at least!

Thanks to Tyler, KJ, Bryan for calling... Those who texted me, Zhi Ying, Jacob, Ji Hau, Tze Kai, Shih Yeh, Isaac, Estelle, Ting, Hoong, Kuo Wei, Yang, Cathy, Elaine, Krystle, Joe, Ming and Elle, lotsa thanks as well...

And as for those who came for my surprise party, Gi, Yang, Richie, Ting Hang, Sarah, Felix, Keat, Siang, KJ, Lyz, Ting, You Wei, Eugene, Estelle, Nigel, Hari, Nic, Cathy, Debbie, Nic, Shih Yeh, Nick, Aaron, Hoong, Joe... thanks for coming... sorry if i missed out anyone of you!! =S
special thanks to my Mom, Gi, Bry and KJ for making it all happen. Bry i know you wouldve come if you could =]

and to the rest of you who wished me personally/through Facebook/Msn... thanks as well!

sweet to have you guys as friends... Cheers!

~ I Dont Care - Fall Out Boy
* My Life. My World. Shades Of Black.

They come, they go...

2009-01-15T00:24:00.003+08:00

Recently ive been away again at Cambodia... when i came back... as much as i missed my friends... i guess it really hit me that ever since the new year began... ever since most of us left high skl... i cant really agree that things are still the same... some of us started college, some are working... others like BenTay and Eugene have even left Malaysia... people come and go in our lives... thats one thing i learnt... as much as i miss my was-never-THAT-close-to friends... ive kinda begun to accept the fact that we've each grown up and are taking on to our own seperate ways... as much as some of us still keep in contact... you cant help but notice the calls are fewer. same goes for the SMS-es... you still get the occasional catch-up rings... but then as the yr goes on by... how many of us actually still meet up once a mth to catch up with each others ongoings and stuff? sad really... ppl always say the friends that stay with you in your lifetime are usually the ones you make in college or uni... what happened to the BFF's in high skl that you were so tight with? they juz come and go? huh... i guess thats life for you eh?! honestly... till now... i still miss my primary best friend, Ashleigh... the things we did the times we spent... were wat makes my primary skl days so memorable... she moved on... migrated to Canada... dont think she even remembers me now though... maybe its juz me.. that i get so emotionally attached to people... but i think... heck.. how come people have to come and GO in our lives? its a diff thing if say two friends argue or something... but the fact that LIFE is the one that has to draw you apart... so damn unfair aint it? ah heck... im straying from the main point... anyways... people... friends... we're all so busy with our own lives now... no more hanging out in malls... no more gossiping through SMS all night long... its a shame i find... sometimes even thru our hectic schedules, when one end makes and effort, you get to catch up again over coffee... great that the two of you who were best friends back then or together again... but after a few minutes, who start to realize that you two have grown, you dont have as much in common anymore, and the distance btw the 2 of you is inevitable. everything has changed. you cant go back. again. its life. all i can say is... if you think you're friendship is worth it... just... make an effort... keep in touch... the phone goes both ways...

aah... my post is so weird... i really dunno wat im talking... but i assume you get my drift...

~Changes - Butterfly Boucher
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Damn blog...

2009-01-02T00:57:00.001+08:00

sum fonts in my previous posts have been a lil big... wasnt meant to be. dunno wth's wrong. cant seem to change it... sorry....

Reflections

2009-01-01T22:44:00.006+08:00

Right... another yr came and went. Its actually scary how things juz fly by so quickly. heck. imive got half my golden key already... thing i'd miss most bout 08? high school i guess... the life of it at least. there's no more recesses with the rest of the skl, no more hanging out along the corridoors, no more skipping skl and feeling like a badass kid... its a whole new chapter beginning. Sad as i may be bout the fact, everything DOES have its pros and cons. like, i can drive myself out, club without the "minor clubber" tag, and hell to the yeah no more cinderella curfews for good!

few things i did in 2008?

* Be a Cheerleader - ever since young, western influence i guess, but it was one of the things i really wanted to be in high skl. lol. bimbo much but yeah. joined for bout a yr only actually. got into the squad. competed in Cheer 08. damn proud. *nearly cost me a broken nose, lotsa sprains and strains and bruises* lol.

* Join a 'badan beruniform' - haha... i actually joined Kadet Bomba. lol. was told it was the most slack uniform society. and juz so happened it decided to be active again. damn. lol. but in actual fact, i started to love marching. its juz damn cool wei... went for marching comp sumore. and freaking hell nearly got chosen to march for daerah. scary shyt. but it was fun.... *thx ZK!*

* Got Inked! - yeah as most already know. i got inked. read my previous post if you dunno bout it. *my mom actually found out and the 1st thing she said was : not scared get AIDS ah? ==

* PARTICIPATED in Cross Country - i really dun run much. but i actually did this time. and got 37 outta dunno sum 4-600 other ppl... whee~

* V-Day Date - as pathetic as it may be. despite having so many ex's. ive never gone on a real date to spend valentine's day. but i did this yr. =D loved him much. loved the times i spent with him. but im not with him anymore... lol.

* NZ - my recent 3wk trip to NZ, i went zorbing, sat on a hot-air balloon, went to a hot water beach, partied Kiwi-style... *ate lotsa beef, bacon, ham, lamb and beef and bacon and ham and lamb...*

* Graduated! - graduated from high skl! * din get my damn grad cert cuz i failed BC during trials... wtf much*

* Started a poetry blog - www.beyondthewords.blogspot,com *i think* lol... juz sum place i post the stuff i write...

* Clubbed and got Wasted - went clubbing with Rah recently. whore got me drunk. din exactly drink dat much. but its not sumtin i do often so ya... found out i grinded a few skl mates which i really shouldnt have... lol. but it was great! *no clubbing for Rah for 3mths! lol*

bout all i guess... the more significant ones... not much but yeah. *spm yr lar... grounded. sigh* all in all i would consider it a rather productive year i guess... OH YA WAIT! ONE MORE!!

*SPM!!!!! - i blardy hell sat for my spm and freaking actually STUDIED for it... *for those who know me well, i do NOT study* lol... proud much... hope it pays off... =S

New year. New Beginning. New Me? hope not! pretty fine with myself now... lalala~

All the best in 09!

~ Nesian 101 - Nesian Mystik
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

...5 years later

2008-12-10T23:02:00.006+08:00

Dec 8th. quite a few of us went to Muv2DBeat at CocoBanana and then to AC for supper. at dat time it was juz like. whoo partay! but after a while... i realized dis could possible be de last time i see them. for this yr at least. since ill be away for 3mths. so as usual. we took photos and such. and dats when i noticed how much each of us have bloomed. Gi, Cathy and I. from the cikus we were back when we got to know each other. till now. 5yrs later. the same. yet so so different. its funny seeing how *i-cant-think-of-an-appropriate-word* we were then and how we are now. maybe its the makeup we started using. or the way we started dressing. but yea. you get my point.

here's an example of...

Before...

*
*
*
*
*
and
*
*
*
*
*

...AFTER!!!

(dun mind the fuzzy-ness. it was mms-ed to me. so it's prolly damn small)

AaH... Gi and Cathy... my best mamas in skool... love you 2 babes! thx for everything these past yrs... =] keep in touch aye? xoxo...

~O Holy Night - N'Sync
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Freaking dead

2008-12-10T22:55:00.003+08:00

SO SORRY for my uber dead and retarded blog... been damn lazy and damn busy... anyways SPM's over baby!! freedom~ whee~ but i really dunno wat to do lar... not much time has passed after the xammies but much i have done and am yet to do... going NZ tmr so again i wont be blogging much... sorry the morries... will definately post a post before the yr ends tho! keep checking~

MERRY CHRISTMAS YA'LL~!! XOXO...

~White Christmas - Gloria Estefan
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Bittersweet Times

2008-11-04T16:52:00.002+08:00

Bittersweet Times

Picture paints a thousand words...

Actually it's GI here who is updating ESTHER's blog.
HAHA too bad Esther.
I have to give myself credit for uploading so many photos FOR YOU! ):

Something i noticed...

2008-10-18T16:35:00.002+08:00

After every failed relationship, you look back and realize, all these while, everyone's been trying to tell you just that, that you two were not meant to be and that things wouldn't work out. But thinking back, does it really make you feel stupid for not listening? Not really... It just makes you think of the times you've had with him. Smile at it. And be glad you took the risk of giving it a shot even though everything pointed to it being a long shot. And every time, you knew you're friends would be right. Yet when the next guy comes along... =] Its just something we choose to deny, and take a chance, experience it, before we make any conclusions...

~Take It How You Want It - Self Against City
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Model of the Year

2008-10-10T23:21:00.005+08:00

This year fashion has changed as often as we change our underwear. Some keep up with it, while others just dont bother. Here's one of the HOTTEST models of CHS, bringing you the most in, most hot, most sexy style... Presenting... *drum roll*

ISAAC ANTHONY OOI - REMPIT STYLE!!

*look!! skinny pants!!=D *NOT EASY TO DO OK?!*

The Slacker Rempit pose (as seen in 1U or KL)

Pheweet! check out dat booty! *wait. Isaac does NOT have an ass... =="*

32-20-20. *haha... a stick with boobs... yeah he's proud of it! xP*

*Jacket courtesy of K. Esther
*Pants modified by L. Vinc-Yuee & C. Puy Hoong
*Shoes & white shirt (worn inside) - Model's own.

If you think his modelling skills are hawt... try challenging him to a Shuffle Showdown. And if he doesnt get you ROFLYFAO, ill belanja you teh o ais limau from kanna. LOL...

Quote: dis is wat you call sexy ma diu...

Beyond The Words

2008-10-07T22:16:00.003+08:00

Hey peeps... Ive just started a new blog:
Beyond The Words-
www.underneath-the-skin.blogspot.com
Basically its a blog to post all the poems ive written and all. Best part. If any of you have anything you'd like to share or would like me to post up, just drop me an email of your poem, along with the name you want it to be posted by. Strictly P&C if you want it to be! =] Enjoy and feel free to leave a comment! =]

~All alone on Christmas - Self Against City
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

KeLsy

2008-10-02T13:02:00.003+08:00

If only you knew
How much you mean to me
Then we could show our love
For all the world to see
How we laughed and talked and got along
And how we used to sing our favourite song
But things have changed i'm far from you
The hurt and pain cant you feel it too?
I miss our smiles our hugs our kisses
The only thing now is that my heart is in pieces
I need a signal, an answer, maybe a sign
To know once and for all
If you'll ever still be mine.

by: Que

CRAP

2008-10-01T21:04:00.003+08:00

Someone once told me, "I promise things will go back to normal." It didn't. Another said, "I would give anything for you." Yet again nothing was given. At that time, yeah perhaps any girl who hears these kinda things would believe every word of it. To me? Now? This moment? Thinking back, its just a whole load of... BULL SHYT. Seriously, how many times have girls fallen for words and empty promises like these? Too many. Time and again, we just continue trusting jerk after jerk. Sometimes, its not that we don't know we're bound to get hurt. Its just that each time, we tell ourselves, maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time it wouldn't be as bad. Guess what? Its never different. You see, most of us girls, when we give ourselves to someone, we give along our trust as well, risking it being broken. We also give people the benefit of the doubt, hoping that for once, we may have judged someone rightly, and prove to ourselves that it was all worthwhile. Again and again and again, everything is taken for granted. I think i dare say that everyone would know at least ONE girl, who isn't fully satisfied with her partner, but still takes the chance and bares with it. And just because she doesn't say it out, does NOT mean she's cool with it. That's one thing i find so powerful about a woman. The things we do for a loved one. And yet the guys, just don't see it. I find it so so sad. But still, every girl has their limit. They'll stretch it way further than they possibly can, all for the one they love. So guys, don't don't push it. One day in the shoes of a woman, to go through what she goes through, would make you ashamed of yourselves. So please, unless you mean it, DON'T bull shyt. We rather you not say anything and get our hopes up. Cause believe it or not, we actually trust you wont lie to us.

**If you read this, please prove me wrong.

~ All Around Me - Flyleaf
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

My 10 Sticks

2008-09-29T17:53:00.002+08:00

Cigarette 1.
I thought of when we first got together. Our laughs and those kisses.
Cigarette 2.
I thought of when you first came to my house. We enjoyed each other's presence.
Cigerette 3.
I thoutght of when you were by my side. Our heart to hearts.
Cigarette 4.
I thought of the first time you said those 3 words. I said them back to you too.
Cigarette 5.
I thought of our minor fights and arguements. We got through them and each said sorry.
Cigarette 6.
I thought of how you've changed. You didnt show you cared as much.
Cigarette 7.
I thought of the distance. I cried tilli fell sick.
Cigarette 8.
I thought of yesterday. You completely ignored me.
Cigarette 9.
I thought of how much I loved you. Wondered if you loved me too.
Cigarette 10.
I thought of how i used to cut myself. I cant stand the hurt and pain.

...Oh f*ck. I ran outta cigarettes.

...and you're gone...

~ Tequila Moonlight - Self Against City
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

InKed baybeh!

2008-09-01T22:06:00.005+08:00

A picture speaks a thousand words... there you have it... My picture... =D got inked on fri 29th Aug.. thx to Tyler who brought me out to get it done! =] *cost me 200 wei! think i kena con* wasnt as bad lar... my tatt artist was oh so hot with the most gorgeous eyes... only to find... a little girl walk up to him going " daddy can i have sum paper to draw on?" wtf... 1st dat punk goth guy from church. now my tattoo-ist. why am i attracted to the ultimate 'cannot-be-attracted-to's'?? anyways... ya. why a safety pin? i have my reasons la... lol. lazy explain. anyways. i would say the whole process isnt really as bad as the after. when it starts scabbing and shyt... i dont really mind the pain. its more of the annoyance... one thing i can say... this is the 1st of many other tatts to come! *wink*

*ps: dont mind the redness... some of em are from the tatt. some are post chicken pox marks not fully healed yet... sob...

~ Mercy - Duffy
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Tagged by Thom

2008-09-01T21:47:00.002+08:00

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 2251
Name: QK Esther
Sisters: 2 older ones
Brothers: err... brother-IN-LAW?! and one god-brother...
Shoe size: 5
Height: 163ish... *i wanna be 170! damn~*
Where do you live: PJ
Favourite drinks: anything sweet... and low fat milk! =P
Favourite breakfast: McD's Sausage Egg McMuffin! lol... and Bagels with cream cheese and salmon... *yum*

Have you ever...
-been on a plane:
yeah.... going overseas again dis yr... 25hrs non stop sitting planes and changing flights... siao~ *time to buy my PSP! =D*

-swam in the ocean:
err... beach? lol... snorkelling lar got...

-fallen asleep in school:
bahahaha... D'oh~

-broken someone's heart:
sadly... yeah... *sorry*

-fell off your chair:
haha... ya... damn shy...

-sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call:
im sure i have... =/

-saved e-mails:
err... i usually dun read my mails... but i do save some...

-What is your room like:
...like its just been hit by a tornado...

-What's right beside you:
empty space? err... my tv? my living room? my phone? the hell... ==

-What is the last thing you ate:
udon...

Ever had...
-chicken pox: yesss... just did... *damn you*
-sore throat: duh...
-stitches: after i eat too full and walk to fast, yeah...
-broken nose: nearly did thx to cheerleading... xP

Do you believe in love at first sight: i believe in lust/infatuation at 1st sight...
Like picnics: with out the bugs and grass... yeah...

Who was the last person...
-you danced with: i usually dance alone... if with somebody... err... my squad? lol...
-who made you smile: The BF =]
-you last yelled at: dun think i yelled at anyone recently...

Today did you ...
talk to someone you like: The BF
kiss someone: today no. tmr maybe? =P
get sick: bad headache
talk to an ex: err... nope~
miss someone: The BF =P

Best feeling in the world:
having the one you love tell you they love you back...

Do you sleep with stuffed animals:
yeah... my snoopy... dun like snoopys... but ive had it for damn long... haha...

Who do you hate:
ppl who go to all lengths to make life hell for you...

What time is it now:
2319

Randoms:
Q:Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
uhhuh...
Q: Do you have any siblings?
din i juz answer dat juz now? ==
Q: Do you want children?
i would like kids... but i cant seem to get along with them... they annoy me...
Q: Do you smile often:
i was BORN emo... lol... but i do smile often... =]
Q: Do you like your hand-writing:
the hell?! err... its ok larr..
Q: Are your toenails painted:
hell to the yeah~! my toes are NEVER naked...
Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in:
my boo's? lol
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing:
black
Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday:
err... eating?
Q: I can't wait till:
...SPM is over...
Q: When did you cry last:
Big Goths Dont Cry... *wink*
Q: Are you a friendly person:
depends... im usually friendlier with guys... cuz they dont judge as much. girls usually are more cautious when meeting new ppl. so ya. tend to come off as stuck out sumtimes..
Q: Do you have any pets:
used to... before my dad gave away my dog without telling me. =( *i need to get a reptile...*

Where is the person you have feelings for right now:
at home?

Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now:
'course... love my boo~

Do you sleep with the TV on:
sometimes...

What are you doing right now:
watching project runway...

Have you ever crawled through a window:
think i have...

Can you handle the truth:
depends...

Are you closer to your mother or father:
mom... i rarely see my dad...

Who was the last person you cried in front of:
*refer to above*

How many people can you say you've really loved:
2

Do you eat healthy:
pretty healthy... i guess... lol

Do you still have pictures of you and your ex:
i dont take pics with my bfs. the only guy ive taken the most pics with is muh bitch...

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you:
hell yeah... =/

How often do you go to church:
i used to go 3-4x a wk... now i go about once a wk? lol... dun ask...

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to:
The BF, Rah, Gi or Bry

Are you loud or quiet most of the time:
bahahaha... im about. just the noisiest person alive... lol

Are you confident:
honestly no. but i try to be...

5 things I was doing 10 years ago..(1998) :
- i think i still liked my childhood crush then... keith!! lol...
- getting straight A's... *those were the days...*
- running about my bungalow, hiding in my maid's room...
- err... i made my maid eat wax... LOL...
- i loved thundercats and he-man! haha...

5 things on my to-do list today:
- get some beauty sleep
- study
- drink milk
- find sumone to get me reload
- talk to my boo...

5 snacks I enjoy:
-marshmallows
-lollies
-ice cream
-chips
-chocolate

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
-buy over whichever shops i like
-start a car collection
-donate 1mil to charity
-bring my mates travelling
-hire bodyguards

5 of my bad habits:
-not studying
-being too noisy
-bad posture
-cant part with my mobile
-i must have things my way

5 places I have lived in:
-my old bungalow
-my current house
-wherever i stay when i go on holidays
-rah's house *been sleeping over there since as long as i can rmb*
-gi's house *been convenient for me at times*

5 jobs I’ve had:
-being a daughter
-being a GF
-err... worked at Bangsar
-being church youth leader
-being a good friend

Tag:
Sarah
Gillian
Bryan
Elyse
Francisca

~ Papercut - Linkin Park
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black

You (Pt.2)

2008-08-18T00:24:00.003+08:00

YOU

...made this wreck of me ( i started cutting myself )

...got me drunk with your words ( i believed your every lie )

...drugged my mind with the image of you ( i was haunted by your face )

...caused all the blood around me ( i kept bleeding from within )

You.
Buried me.
Alive.

~ Gone - NSync
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Tagged by Joey... sheesh

2008-08-17T22:20:00.003+08:00

Rules and Regulations:

1. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

********

2.Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

********
Tag 10 people...
1. Sarah
2. Bryan
3. Cathy
4. Francisca
5. Han Yang
6. Dammit... whoever larr.. ish...

1 ) Are you allowed to have a bf/gf?
- Do i look like i care?

2 ) Describe yourself in one word.
- Twisted.

3 ) Who would you pick, someone who really loves you, or the one you love?
- I would say the one who loves me. But past experience, i went for the one i loved.

4 ) Have you ever loved someone BEFORE but never had the courage to tell him/her?
- He knew... but i still never told...

5 ) Does it feel good to love?
- Its ecstatic.

6 ) God is giving you just 5 more minutes before going back to Heaven, what will you say to that special someone?
- Ive always loved you. You just didnt know it. I still do.

7 ) What will you say to someone who doesn't want to believe you??
- Diu... Really wan lo... Ma de... Bluff you for what?! F*** dont believe done!

8 ) Was ever a time that you tried to learn to love someone?
- Loving someone comes naturally. I tried to force learn it. Ended up hurting someone.

9 ) What's your opinion about someone who's jealous?
- ...of me? Wow... dont worry... There're others like you out there... *wink*

10 ) What can you say about playboys/playgirls?
- No comment. Just dont go OTT and hurt someone. Karma happens.

[[ * PART 2 * ]]

1 ) Best place to cry?
- In the toilet with my shower on or on my bed.

2 ) Who do you love the most?
- God.

3 ) What did you dream about last night?
- Barely slept.

4) Ever hated someone so bad?
- No. *yes... not even midget and the beast*

5 ) The biggest and most hurtful lie you've ever heard?
- I promise things will go back to the way it was.

[[ * LAST PERSON... * ]]

:: had a beer with?
- err... Sarah? damn long ago...

:: went to the movies with?
- err... The BF, Gi, Suen, Keat, The BF's Buds, EstL, Young, Cathy, Nic... lol

:: talked on the cell phone with?
- Sarah~ =]

:: you hugged?
- The BF... =]

:: you yelled at?
- I just yelled at my mom... =S *feel bad...*

[[ * IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE YOU...* ]]

>> Kissed sumone?
- Duh~

>> Sung?
- I ALWAYS sing~ ==

>> Danced crazy?
- Yeah... Got crazy listening to The Way I Are... =P

// Think of the last time you were angry, why were you angry?
- Friday night... lol

// You will go to heaven in 3 mins. Last call?
- WTF?! err... Sarah you can inherit all my clothes... LOL

// If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
- I want things to go my way...

// Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
- Pranked yes... Blackmailed no. Even if i have takkan i announce kan? Bodoh~

// Are you old fashioned?
- Traditional at times. Long winded yes. Old fashioned? Doubt it...

// What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
- Saying I Love You to someone who you know doesnt love you back. Or loves someone else.

// What would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
- To ever stop loving the one i have loved for so long...

7 Facts About Me
> Loud.
> Crazy.
> Noisy.
> Emo.
> Talkative.
> Gothic
> ...Loves cheerleading? LOL

7 Things That Scares Me
> Death of a loved one.
> Being all alone.
> What i dont know.
> The condition of the world.
> SPM
> What the future holds for me.
> ...having my phone confiscated?! lol *i have suspected HDS. handphone dependency syndrome. seriously...*

7 Songs Playing in My Head Lately
> Gone - NSync
> Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton
> So Close - Jon McLaughlin
> Dont Wanna Close My Eyes - Aerosmith
> Linger - Cranberries
> Lithium - Evanescense
> Everytime I Close My Eyes - Babyface

7 Valuable Things in My Life
> If its mine, its valuable...

7 "First Time's"
1. ...Getting caught playing with your mobile in school?
- Form 3!! stupid sharmini... i was laughing at HER! not my phone... Ass...

2. ...You felt so pain inside knowing that someone lied to me?
- Last year... " I promise things wont be awkward..." KONON!

3. ...You felt like you were all alone?
- Everytime i fight with my babes...

4. ...You ever thought of suicide?
- Std5? lol...

5. ...You ever freaked out over exams?
- Form4. Accounts exams.

6. ...You thought you'd never love someone the same way again?
- 2005 i think...

7. ...Bought something you dont need, with money you dont have, to impress people you dont like?
- err... no idea...

7 Most Frequently Used Words/Phrases
> OH F***!
> Deng~
> The HELL?
> WTF?!
> Sohai/Jibai/Mahai/Machat
> What the Heck?!
> LOL...

~ Faint - Linkin Park
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Tagggg

2008-08-08T11:26:00.003+08:00

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
when the day comes when my loved one betrays me, then you'll know how ill react...

#2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
world peace. no shyt. but if it HAS to be for me alone. i want a filthyhotrichloyal husband... =P

#3. What will your dream wedding to be like?
ive always wanted seaside or rooftop wedding.. =]

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
more to afraid... whats there to even be confused about?!

#5. What's your ideal lover like?
loyal. humorous. sweet. caring. honest. loving. rich. good looking. able to carry himself well. has a career. shares the same passion as me. understanding. humble. dats all... i guess... =P

#6. Which is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?
definitely being loved...

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
ive waited 5yrs before. not planning to break that record.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
leave it. its just a damn crush. there're always other available, better fish out in the sea.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
my condition.

#10. Is being tagged fun?
do i look like im having fun? =D ==

#11. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
doing what i love. married to the one i love. mother of 2. $rich$. successful in every area! xD

#12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
my loved ones...

#13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
lets put it this way... i thought I was lame... lol...

#14. Would you rather be rich and single or married but poor?
neither. but if i HAD to choose. id go for rich and single. Jimmy Choo's and Valentino's can make me happy too! =D

#15. What's the first thing you do every morning?
look at my phone...

#16. Would you give all in a relationship?
i would give A LOT. but not all. if YOU have to give YOUR all. means the other person isnt giving enough. and everyone knows you need to give AND take to work...

#17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?
haha... the one who loves me back more...

#18. What type of friends do you like?
the friends i have now... =]

#19. What type of friends do you dislike?
ppl like K.S.Ping... LOL. yes im straight. everyone knows i dun like her. vice versa. lol. the world needs less ppl like her. haha. heck. why do i even still consider her a 'friend' i dislike?! lol...

#20. Tag 8 people...
1. Sarah
2. Bryan
3. Cathy
4. Han Yang
5. Joey
6. Elyse *too bad do it again... xP*
7. Gi *you too... nyeh*
8. whoever else you reads this... im too lazy to think...

~Bring Me To Life - Evanescense
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

lalala~ Its a F***ed up day after all~

2008-07-26T23:11:00.003+08:00

Friggin had skl today. but thx (or should it be no thx) to bryan. i skipped, did sumtin i kinda told myself i wouldnt do. not dis yr at least. but i did. and that thing would be to... join Copa Iba this yr... as much as i love playing captainball. i lost my passion for it. ever since last yr. i trained my f-ing ass off but din get to play. dis yr one day before. they call me play. you guys may be from my church. but there isnt a rule stating dat church ppl cant be jacks. anyways. went there. my damn team sucked. no offence. but if i played for agape. i wouldnt brought the whole team down since most of them are bballers. and i. haven been playing captain ball for almost a yr. surprisingly i could still play. but they bloody hell put me as defence when i was usually attacker/midfield. and bryan told me i had to juz stand at my side more to defend and stop running down. ok la. understand. means i run too much. BUT SUM i shall not mention his name F***er. had the friggin balls to say to me: Esther why are you panting. like so tired. i didnt even see you run. at all. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?? i wouldnt screwed him if i werent surrounded by church ppl. f***. and this damn girl kept bossing me ard thruout the whole DAMN game. BITCH!! ive been playing captain ball since longer than she's gone thru puberty. of all the bloody nerve to boss me ard telling me how i should play my position in the game. younger than me sumore. good thing bout dat. cuz SHE. i screwed. and to top things off. i was in the same team as 'he-who-disappointed-me-most-in-my-entire-life's' gf. great! and D was there as well. yeah the tall dumb male brunnete of an ass0. and not to mention. HE. 'the one who meant the world to me'. or used to. wouldnt even LOOK at me today. talk about confident boosters! and. when i got home. mom got curious as to why i was so tired when i only 'went to skl and stayed back for a meeting'. and the last layer of my perfect cake for today is when i found out something which is putting my rship on a brink. wow. 26 July 2008. added to my list of 'Most f***ed up days in Esther's Life'.

Like i said. its a f***ed up day afterall. *sing to the tune of its a small world afterall*

~ Heart Shaped Glass - Marilyn Manson
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

You

2008-07-26T21:11:00.004+08:00

Our lives are moving on
But tear streaks are still left dried on my face
Is it really so hard?
So so hard to just say a simple hello?
Or even smile or give a nod?
Apparently the past is still haunting
There's still a need for a closure to fill the space
You dont have the right to be this way
Cuz its how IM supposed to be, not you
What the hell do you want from me?
5 years of my life. Is it still not enough?
Either get outta my life or be in it
It just isnt fair
It never is, never was
But it isnt supposed to be this way either
My eyes are welling up again
Dont, please dont...
Im happy now
Dont make me start stumbling and fall
...Again
I dont want to... Just cant...
Dont... Not now...
Love me or hate me
Just dont play your games with me.
Please.

~ Love Song - Sarah Bereilles
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Him...

2008-07-22T21:26:00.002+08:00

He puts a smile on my face before I go to sleep
His loving touch is what makes me love him so deep;
Those hazel eyes forever in my heart engraved
His warm embrace is where i feel most safe;
His kisses on my lips sweeps me off my feet
Leaves me craving till the next time we meet;
Those crazy moments the two of us share
Really proves to me just how much he really cares...

~ I Kissed A Girl - Kate Perry
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Smiles or Tear-streaked faces?

2008-06-08T00:10:00.003+08:00

Distances apart
Cold and numb
Internal bleeding
Lots of changes
Lost and confused?
Its just the same different
Same reconized stranger
What's going on?
Falling, Failing
Will it last?
Time determined.

Distinct, yet near
Its still there
I can feel it
Gap. Hole. Space.
Ongoing obstacles
The finish line within grasp
End.

~ When Im With You - Faber Drive
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

2 weeks of nothingness...

2008-06-07T23:14:00.002+08:00

My whole friggin form5 life... this midterm break has GOT to be my most non-productive term break... i literally did... lets see... NOTHING... and being grounded doesnt help either... anyways... 1st few days of holiday. had... camp. uhhuh. cheerleading camp. not dat bad la. apart from living in a bungalow surrounded by what couldve been lotsa lotsa haunted houses WHICH were infested with bugs everywhere (including our place. there was a friggin frog at our hse). and the fact that we had to practice on GRASS (for those of you who know, Esther and grass do not go hand in hand) WHICH was full of blardy lalangs. not to miss out the part where i got hit on the forehead by sumone's elbow and got an instant bruise the size of a ping-pong ball (NO SHYT!) followed by sumone's chin which left me a bloody nose (1st time in my life my nose ever bled. its actually still pain till now. frens reckon i broke my nose.) and then. its back home. rotted at home. literally din do ANY DAMN THING. had a major row with my mom a mth ago. we din talk for that long. think she felt bad (FINALLY!). brought me for an hour body massage and a mani-pedi spa (i painted and repainted my nails 5times dis hols. NOT including my mani.) lol. few days later. went curve watch Indiana Jones. with my mom. (yeah she really felt bad! lol) damn weird la the friggin show. i mean. the action was good. but wat was WITH those oblong crystal skulls. which werent crystal. ==" and ET! omg. expected him to ride on a bike past the moon ANY time... sheesh... and then. friday. went study at McD's with Gi and Lyz. study. yeah. haha. and yeah. dat pretty much sums up my holidays. as for today. i spent my WHOLE day on the couch either watching tv or playing text twist on my mobile. (i practically have roots growing outta me... ==') and so. another 2wks have come and gone. realized how un-productive i was. monday. its back to skl. everything back to normal. hopefully.

*OH YA... i practically got THREATENED to NOT go to this new tuition centre... damn dumb. but... im still going anyways... I WANNA STUDY LA BIMBO! no time go bitch with you(or about you)... mwah....

~ Drops of Jupiter - Train
*My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

23.05.08

2008-05-29T22:11:00.002+08:00

Rah came over. Bry came over. Went to Centre Point McD's... DAMN i miss the bitch and whore... anyways... berbonding-ed over dinner... then we met shaunie boy... cute la that fella. anyways, settled to go take undang with him (FINALLY!!!). Make our way to Cineleisure (after convincing sarah id pay for her movie tic). Thx to rah who watched every damn movie available. we bought tix for (of all movies) Superheroes... while waiting for movie which was at 12.15am. we went walk along the link from cineleisure to curve. tried to look for that hotass dood from la gourmet... CANNOT FIND!!! omg. but he's like... orgasmically HAWT wei... anyways. decided to grab a drink while waiting. went to Express Cafe. Sarah got a Carlsberg i got a Heineken Bry got... lotsa pics?!! did a few sticks. then came deric with... WESLEY!! lol. my pretty cute primary skl ex. =P anyways. sarah and deric like totally ditched us. then bry went get sumtin. so i was left to berbond with wes. caught up with each other. had another few more sticks. realized how diff yet alike our lives are now. anyways. met up with rah and deric again. WHO WERE TOTALLY MAKING OUT WHEN WE FOUND THEM!!! lol. 4 of us chatted for sum time. Bry sesated alone in cineleisure. at like 12.40 we decided we should really get into the cines d. so we said bye. OMG... superheroes! TOTALLY WASTED A GOOD 30BUCKS!!! (paid for rah and bry) luckily the end of the movie got cacated. then we complained. then got free complimentary passes! haha... anyways. waited for deric to pick sarah up. Bry and i left after... damn weird la the whole day.... but nice hanging out with my bitches! love ya'll! mwah~

#Ps: got free tony romas for betting with wesley whether rah and deric'd get together. i said yeah. and i won! *wink* still waiting for my dinner now~!! =P

~ Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

2008-05-07T23:37:00.002+08:00

Voila~!! Presenting 'The Final Chapter'!!! CHS Prom 08!! The one thats about to knock socks off like its never been knocked off before! Anyways. Those who are interested... Chs-ians, i believe everyone got a flyer. Forms are our already. Look for your class reps. If you dont. you can look for me at 5P4 to get one!! For non-chs-ians, call me at 012-2503465 for more details... Who knows? you might see a hot celeb and win some awesone prizes! Why not? its gonna be the funky-est event of the year! dont be left out... you know you're DYING to come! satisfaction... Guaranteed!

Flow... the new Low...

2008-04-24T21:10:00.003+08:00

This version of Flo Rida's 'Low' was heard outside a biology lab at my school, sung by a buncha Form 6-ers... Wild guesses on what they were doing...

Introducing... Flow!!

*Please sing to tune of 'Low'*

Lemme see the apple blue cheese
Rat with the fur (Pluck the fur!)
The whole lab looking at her
Rat hit the floor (Rat hit the floor!)
Next thing you know
Rat blood flow flow flow flow flow flow flow flow~

~ Low - Flo Rida
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Mirror

2008-04-18T22:36:00.003+08:00

Noticing them, rolling my eyes
What the hell?!?
Cocks a brow, turns away.

Wait a second...
A mirror in time.
Familiarity.

Bitch. Sluts. Cool ones.
Different now alike before,
Disgusted yet something to remember..

A smile with sad eyes,
Reminiscing but glad,
Walking away...

~ The Pros and Cons of Breathing - Fall Out Boy
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Tata-gege-heh-edd...

2008-03-24T14:45:00.002+08:00

Damn... s'been long since i did a tag... anyways...

a) Do this tag.
b) Replace ONE question with one of your own.
c) Tag 8 others. Go to their blogs and tell them they've been tagged.
d) Happy tagging!

1. Which bothers you more? VPL's or bra colour?
> VPL

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
> Oh No i haven!! Ive been with more than 5 guys and ive NEVER felt any of their lips against mine before. == dumbass question...

3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
> Sarah!! : My all time babe la! how can i NOT get stranded with her? we'll have our cheesy moments till we die of cheesiness...
> Gillian!! : My next best babe! Ad she'll make a great club sandwich! xP
> Bryan('s)!! : Since he's so sweet and willing to get stranded with me! =D *eh! my boo no blog but dont expect me to get stranded without him wert right?!!*

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
> Venice. Canada. Mexico. Paris. Milan. Tokyo. California... *well i dont plan to juz go to ONE place!*

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
> To have things go my way...

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
> Try to... but im born pessimist... so yeah~~

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
> Loved ones.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
> Invest in a hot car. Get guys. Buy a studio apartment. Give some to my family. Donate some. SPLURGE the rest!! *Jimmy Choo's, Coach tote, Galliano... complete!*

9. What would you do if you meet someone that you love?
> That i LOVE ah? If he likes me back, ill flirt like CRAZY! if he doesnt, ill juz... flirt?!

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
> Crazy. Loud. Real. *love ya bitch! =x

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
> Honest. Loyal. Loves me. and SHOWS that he does...

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
> People who cant keep their stubby fingers off others businesses.

13. Highlight of the week?
> Murni's on Sat? Craziest night of 2008.

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
> Point it out. then shuttup and let me defend myself before giving in.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
> God.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
> Duh!! Though i still feel i lack clothes...

17. What's on your mind right now?
> Cheer. SPM. My boo. What to sing for Bintang CHS. Stupid tyler for getting a totally awesome song stuck in my head...

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
> My temper. Impatientness...

19. Whats the last shocking thing you've seen or heard?
> Not shocking la. but 2 guys stuffing meatballs the size of your fists, whole into their mouths. and a girl who insists on knowing whether you eat char siew pau anot...

20. What makes you feel happy?
> My boo. Friends. Being organized. Cash!!

tagging...
Gi
Cathy
Estelle
Lyz

~ Men In Black - Forever The Sickest Kids
* My Life. My World. Shades Of Black.

=]

2008-03-12T23:11:00.002+08:00

went berbonding with my shawty Rah. i took a cab to her place then we went straight to Curve. the cabbie was the bomb man! never had such a nice cabbie before. shouldve gottan his number then make him my regular cabbie man! but heck! gonna get my license soon. ANYWAYS... we walked everywhere trying to decide where and wat to eat. ended up. when to starbucks. i had sum java chip thingy. Rah had caramel ice blended and marble cheesecake. we ate and talked and drank and talked. and talked and drank and talked and talked... for quite long i think. and when Rah had no where else to stuff her last bite of cake. we went walk it off. 1st stop. Marche's. Rah went enquire bout her wkN job. then we walked towards cineleisure when we passed La Gourmet and sum dood was like hi miss you wanna dunno wat dunno wat? and i glanced at him and did a double take but continued walking on. told Rah i knew dat dood. den she serious? and we did a REALLY OBVIOUS lookover. and he was like wokay~ den we juz continued on. kept talking bout that guy till Rah was like. I DARE YOU GO OVER ASK HIM FOR HIS NUMBER! i was like. wtf? err lets juz go talk to him. told her he was from puay chai. she dun believe. we went over. Rah, being the ball-full person juz went up and HEY ARE YOU FROM PUAY CHAI??! and he went err yeah. then she went DO YOU KNOW HER??!! =D *points at me* and he goes. err she looks familiar. and i go. you were from catholic high right? and he goes yeah. and i go yeah. you're my senior. den he goes oh ok. and me and Rah juz went. ok now bye! and we leave. with me "i told you i knew him" -ing her. btw. dat guy was none other than Yong Chong Zen/Ren or wtv. however the heck you spell his name is besides the point. he's gottan quite cute tho. ans not as cina as i remembered...

anyways... me and rah went on fagging a little. then we headed for cineleisure. went shopping. saw a gorgeous halter. managed to bargain. got 2 for 20% off. kononnya new arrival cannot give discount. pah! anyways. ya. its gorgeous. we got same tops but with diff motives tho. mine's loud circles hers are dark... trees? leaves? some sort. but gorgeous nonetheless.

went walking sumore. bumped into botak thomas chin. stupid diamond boy. sesat-ed with him a while. then we went back to cineleisure to pool. mana tau. there was a buncha who we thought were cikus. who kept staring at us from La Gourmet. and we were like wtf at 1st. then we juz ignored then. then we thought we heard ppl calling our names. but we ignored again. UNTIL... sum DOOD!! juz came up walking beside me practically stalking us. until we literall stopped and stared at him till he walked back to where his frens were. which was quite far already then. me and Rah wtf-ed. but ignored it again.

went pool. i won 2 rounds! haha. outta 2 la dat is! one is thx to A LOTTA fluke shots. seeing i haven played in AGES!! and another thx to Rah's bad luck. and. ultimately. she hit the black ball in too early as well. oh well. luck chooses sides sumtimes! =P anyways. those cikus were there too. damn annoying. when one of them came up to us and went. that guy in the brown shirt is Lam. he says he knows you guys. Sarah right? and Esther? then we were like ya. but ignored them. AGAIN. until we started foo-ing. then THEY starting foos-ing beside us. den me and Rah decided to play doubles against them. played bout 4rounds i think? den we had to ciao to ikea to pick up sum stuff.

left. picked up wtv needed to be picked up. and we waited for Rah's dad. ended up was late cuz he had to pick Anna 1st. bleh. couldve played a few more rounds. but oh well. OH YA! forgot to mention. bumped into Carmen Choo. i think her surname is choo... anyways. ya. haven seen her in 5yrs. hasnt changed much. but it still brings back primary skl days... and i saw wesley again... my primary ex. even tho i wont really admit it now (oh wait i think i juz did). he's changed pretty much i guess? feel so distant with him now. to think we were from the same gang and all... and OMG!! FONG KAH KEN!!! as in. that last time. 'hum sup low' fong kah ken! haha... he's changed... he's so... i dunno? cool? now? haha. but yea. it was his bday dat day. wished him thru sms... was great seeing them few again i guess... makes my eyes water sumhow...

missed my old primary school days... haih... SARAH!!! I MISS ASHLEIGH!!! haih. i miss sharmin. matt. keefe. min hua. soos. ash. even jie yi. samantha! omg. even ho i hated her! adranne. even lynn's shrilly voice! damn! oh well... ppl grow. life goes on. ppl leave...

~ Friends Forever - Vitamin C
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

Rush...

2008-03-05T22:13:00.002+08:00

People go through life as if on a train,
everything goes by,
no one stops to admire God's creation,
no one slows down to savour that moment of life.

People passing by,
with impatient looks of hurry,
brushing past with frowns on their faces,
awaiting their destination instead of enjoying the journey.

Today my dear friends,
Take a glance and notice your surroundings,
Look around and breathe in the moment,
for life, has but one now.

~ Bleed It Out - Linkin Park
* My Life. My World. Shades of Black.

=D

2008-02-29T22:57:00.000+08:00

English and Sej paper... haha... sap sap sui... one close eye can do. the other langsung no need to do! haha... literally slept after i got my sej paper... lol. ANYWAYS... screw exams... we went to Gi's hse today after school to... ahem... study. Yeah. Bryan was supposed to go. then he told me the night before that he couldnt go. cuz he decided to go for his larian thingy instead. but we planned it long ago d... so i was like. gah. wtv la. i had to go to gi's place anyways to try to upload my pics. and so ya. and suck ok. Bie went with Wei Ji. Nic and Suen were going to meet Gi and Cathy at gi's. so means i damn shyt la. everyone one pair one pair. i sesat. but no choice. so dun care lo. then Estelle and Young cannot go... so ya. bla bla bla. yadda yadda yadda. was using the computer halfway when cathy practically shouted from the doorway: ESTHER!!! BRYAN'S HERE!!! OMG!!! ESTHER!!! then she ran. grabbed me. and there i saw it. my darling!! =D damn happy ok... haven seen him for... 13days (he counted =.=) 1st say cannot come. next thing show up at the doorstep!! =D like 5 mins before he showed up he was still msging me saying sorry for not being able to make it all ok?!! lol... lalala... damn... aww~~!! lol. sweetness... poor boy had headache whole day... felt so bad... hmmm... anyways. instead of studying. we watched Pirates. damn wth... but ya... nothing much happened after that la. but. i think i dare say all us 4 couples had a great time. juz seeing each other. spending time together with both chix and dix. =] especially for me and cathy who dont get to see our beaus dat often... it was juz... sweet time spent... made me really realized how much he would do to make me happy... im so glad i have him!!
ps: LEE KAI SUEN FELL OFF THE CHAIR AT GI'S PLACE!!! BAHAHAHA... *no hard feelings eh? gotta admit... it WAS a laugh! lol*

~ Love Today - Mika
* My Life. My World. Shades Of Black.